of my house the night before. "It was one night. She left her number, and we messaged a few times but couldn't find time to meet up again until last night."
Declan's chest expanded on a deep inhale. He knew something was coming. Something was always hanging in the balance when guys in our positions slept around indiscriminately. We'd seen various types of fallout for years. Men cheating on wives, or girlfriends with groupies or prostitutes, the women going to the paps with their sordid tales.
"She came over last night for dinner, and we made no plans beyond that. Everything was fine—better than fine—at first. Then she told me she was pregnant."
That brought his chin up slightly, his eyes carefully assessing. "And what did you say?"
"I …" My throat worked on a hard swallow. "I asked her why she was telling me."
Declan pursed his mouth.
I held up a hand. "I know, not my best moment, but clearly, I wasn't expecting her to say that. We used protection. I'm not stupid."
"It might not have beeen particularly well-delivered, but it's a fair question in our position. People lie about all sorts of things for money."
What a diplomatic answer. Which was why I winced when I told him what I told him next.
"I don't think that's why she blew up at me," I said, scratching the back of my neck.
"She doesn't like money?"
"More like, I don't believe she needs it." My hand dropped from my neck. "Know the name Logan Ward? American football."
His head tilted. "Sounds familiar, but I can't place it."
"Won a championship with the Washington Wolves about ten years back, give or take. Now he's the defensive coach."
Declan nodded. "And?"
"Lia, that's her name, is Logan's younger sister."
Understanding dawned. "Please tell me you didn't know that before you said what you said." The loaded silence answered for me, and Declan cursed under his breath. "McAllister, you arsehole."
"I didn't know anything about him, about their family, when she dropped this bomb on me. So no, I shouldn't have said what I said, but it's not like I ever expected her to say that. I met her once, spent half a dozen hours around her, and most of those were spent sleeping." It felt like the weight of the entire building was pushing my shoulders down. Kids, a family, a wife were all things I'd thought about in the abstract. Always coming below the rest of the priorities I had in front of me.
When I win a league cup and hoist it up in my hands ... then I'd think about settling down.
When I prove I didn't waste my life on something frivolous and shallow, like my parents always believed ... then I'd focus on my own private life.
When ...
When ...
When ...
A dozen things came before it because it wasn't something I missed. I didn't lay awake at night wishing for someone beside me. I laid awake at night thinking about how I could keep my life and my career going in the right direction.
Staying away from women who only wanted me for my money, for my job was easy.
"When she said she was pregnant, all I could see was headlines and solicitors and DNA tests and soap opera bullshit I never signed up for. And how bloody angry I'd be if we came to the end of it, and she lied because I was a better target."
Declan studied me quietly. This was part of how he worked, though. He listened well, and he listened to what we didn't say. Those were the best listeners, weren't they? They were the ones who heard all the important things in the spaces of silence.
"It's not like I had time to think through exactly what it meant that she was raised in the world of sports. That the man who raised her was an elite athlete. All I thought—at the time she told me about her brother—was she understands this crazy. And right on the heels of that, she tells me she's preggers. It being mine, Declan, it didn't even register at first."
He grimaced. "And her reaction?"
I exhaled. "She told me to get fucked, started crying, then stormed off. The way she slammed my front door gave my performance today a run for my money."
"So you both have a temper then."
"Apparently."
Declan leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs, hands clasped together, and pinned me with a serious look. "Do you think she's lying about it being yours?"
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I closed my eyes tightly