always did, giving me a stunned look of defeat.
Lewis sat with his head in his hands. Isabel had a hand covering her mouth, eyes closed. And Lia, she was frozen next to me.
"I'm sorry you had to endure them like that," I told her, rubbing a hand on her back.
I'd hardly had time to blink, and she stood so fast that her chair fell backward.
"Lia?"
"I have to go." She looked at her sister, and whatever was on her face, Isabel nodded. Lia slipped her coat back on and I noticed her hands shaking.
"Wait," I stood. "Is it about them?"
She wouldn't look at me as she hooked her bag over her shoulder. Lewis still hadn't moved.
"Lia," I said more firmly. "Talk to me." When she did look at me, the look in her eyes was haunted. I wasn't even sure what word to use to describe it. But it made me take a step back, shaking my head. "Wait, talk to me. What's going on?"
She turned to leave, and when I moved to follow, Isabel held her hand out, just shy of my chest. I held my hands up.
"You're going to let her walk away right now." Her eyes, the same blue as Lia's, were fierce and bright.
I breathed out through my nose, hard. "I just want to know what's wrong. I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong."
"Men," she murmured, pinching the bridge of her nose, before glancing back up at me. "I don't judge anyone for having family issues. But I promise you right now, you don't want to push me on this because you will lose."
"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" I hissed. "It's not about pushing or losing. I just want to talk to her. I don't want her to be upset."
Isabel held my gaze. "I don't give a flying fuck about what you want, Jude. You will give my sister a minute to breathe, okay?"
My jaw was so tight, I could feel it all the way down my neck. But I nodded.
"We're staying at the Leonard Hotel by Hyde Park. She'll talk to you tomorrow."
It took everything in me not to shout her name again, but I let them walk out of the pub.
Why did my insides feel all twisted and knotted tight? Something was wrong, something yanked in a direction it shouldn't have been when she turned her back on me. Something that recognized, even before I did, that she and I were supposed to be facing the same direction. But there I was—standing still while she walked away.
If I thought I'd felt useless before, it was nothing to how I felt at that moment. I sank into the empty chair at the table and realized there were worse things than being benched or losing games. There were worse things than having terrible parents.
It was fucking up with the first woman to find herself in my miserable excuse for a heart.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lia
Isabel ushered me out of the pub and immediately snagged a passing black cab. She didn't say a word after we settled on the bench, and for that, I was thankful. All I wanted to do was get back to the hotel and crawl underneath the blankets. Once I did that, once I was safe there, I could nudge open the release valve on all the tension that was building, building, building.
Through the panoramic moon roof of the cab, I stared numbly at the beautiful lights of London as we slowly made our way toward Hyde Park. My fingers were the first part of my body to shake, and Isabel wove hers through mine and held fast as though she could give me her strength through osmosis.
How had I made it this long without being by anyone in my family?
The voice that used to whisper questions I didn't know how to answer was right the F there. You blocked out everything unpleasant, everything hard. You ignored the things that hurt to think about. And you were able to do that because Jude doesn't know you well enough to push you.
And you don’t know him either, was the next horrible thought. I didn’t know him at all.
My legs started bouncing next, and I blew out a slow breath as we curled around the darkened streets. It felt like a womb inside that car, and with my free hand, I rubbed over my stomach. Hopefully, I wasn't transferring my stress or my anger to little peach.
And oh, I was angry.
At myself. And