out and thanked me for not holding a grudge. I let him do this and didn’t tell him I agreed because I needed to face the fear head-on. If I didn’t, I knew from experience it would fester until I couldn’t face it. So now, through small things, I faced my fear, and that meant having lunch with Bass even though I was embarrassed he’d witnessed a mini-meltdown.
But I sensed the cool was wearing off, and he’d used the drive to Triple Canopy to figure out how to broach a topic I didn’t want to talk about.
“Before I walk you in,” Bass started, and I felt the air turn heavy.
No way.
“Please don’t. Whatever you have to say, please don’t say it.”
“Sorry, honey, needs to be said,” he told me and I gritted my teeth. “I had a talk with your man so I know you have a lot on your mind. And I hope you know, I wouldn’t heap more on if I didn’t think it was important. I didn’t keep it a secret I wanted more with you, thought that’s where we were headed—”
Oh, crap.
“Bass—”
“Addy, as I said I talked to your man. I got it the day I came to see you, but if I’d missed it then, I didn’t miss it when we talked. I know where things are headed for the two of you and that’s why I need to say this.”
“Where do you think we’re headed?”
For someone who didn’t want to participate in this conversation, it was a mighty stupid question, but still, I couldn’t stop myself from asking. And when Bass smiled huge, I regretted my participation even more.
“To the finish line.”
Finish line?
Having learned my lesson, I didn’t verbalize my thoughts and remained quiet.
“Open up, Addy.”
I felt the heavy air press on my chest and was suddenly finding it hard to breathe.
“Bass—”
“Not to me. To Trey. Open up. Whatever it is you’re holding back, let it go, and open yourself to him.”
Oh, crap.
My eyes darted around the interior of his car, needing something, anything to ground me. I pushed the fear down where it belonged, deep down where it had to stay so I could escape it.
“I appreciate you—”
“No, you don’t. You’re sitting there quaking in your seat. Something’s eating at you. I’ve known for a long time and I hoped one day you’d give it to me. I know now, you never would have. But, honey, you have to open up.”
Fuck.
I had to get out of the car. It was clawing its way up my belly, fighting to get out.
Never. I never wanted it to break free. If it did, it would ruin everything in its wake.
“I have to go.”
“Shit,” he muttered. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t,” I lied.
Without another word, Bass got out and I watched him disappear around the back of his car. I used these moments to get control of my ravaging thoughts. But when my door opened, I was no closer to getting myself under control.
Bass tipped his head down to look at me and the spark in his eyes said it all. However, I was too raw to fortify my defenses, therefore Bass tore a pound of flesh clean away.
“You’re the best woman I know, Adalynn Walker. Sucks thinking I won’t be the man at your side. But it will not suck quite as bad living with it if you open the fuck up and let Trey take that fear out of your eyes.”
That was a nice thing to say, the part about me being the best woman he knew, but the rest scared me to death. Bass saw it and I’d tried my best to hide it from the world. Yet again, I was reminded my best wasn’t good enough.
Instead of arguing, because really, I had to get someplace quiet where I could be alone before my insides split in two, I lied.
“I’ll think about it.”
Bass knew I wasn’t being honest, but being as he was a nice guy and back to being cool, he didn’t press the issue further.
But the sad, forced smile on his face said it all.
Crap.
“Hey, Momma,” I greeted.
“Was that Bass?” she asked, and settled onto one of the two chairs Trey had brought into the gym. He’d also wrangled Carter and they’d set up a mini-office for me in the corner. A desk, a super comfy high-back leather chair, and a small table where I stacked my files.
“Yeah. I took a class today, then he took me to lunch,” I