in Jasper’s cheek twitched again and his brows pulled together.
“Last few days I’ve been thinking on it,” he muttered. “Why at the time when he came to talk to me I didn’t reassure him Addy was strong enough to handle the separation when I knew damn well she was. And I remembered watching him with her—I didn’t like what I saw. So much so when Wick asked my thoughts about possibly pulling Belview into the program, I told him it would be a mistake. There are men who can shoulder the burden and find healthy ways to wash the filth they experience off, some deal with it in not so healthy ways and bury it, but they do it in a way that doesn’t hurt the ones they love. Then there are those that are weak of mind and lash out because they’re too far gone to see they need help or they were too weak from the beginning. Belview was the latter. Weak of mind and spirit. Saw it on him and didn’t want that for my daughter. Or for the program.”
One could say I’d been weak and I hadn’t dealt with my shit in a healthy way.
Fuck.
“Jasper—”
“If you’re tangling that up in your mind, stop. Never once have I thought you were weak. Just the opposite.” Jasper suddenly stopped and his stare became seriously fucking frightening. “I know you’re not gonna like hearing this, but I didn’t want you for my daughter because I wanted her to have easy. And, Trey, there’s nothing easy about you. You’ve buried yourself under a mountain of guilt that’s not yours. Before you protest, I know why you feel it, I know why you let it weigh you down, and I know why you let it bury you. I know because I’d feel the same. And just like your brothers are trying to guide you to the other side, mine would be doing the same, and like you, I’d be fighting it. So I know your brothers are going to fail in their endeavor to make you see the light the same as mine did. I also know who’s gonna bring you to the other side. And honest to God, I didn’t want that for her. I wanted her to find someone who would see to what’s been eatin’ at her for the last three fucking years and put a stop to it. Something that kills me because she won’t give it to me. I’ve tried and she pulls away.”
Again the veil lifted, and pure, unadulterated pain ripped through Jasper. So much of it, I flinched. Being as Jasper was highly attuned to everyone in his presence, he didn’t miss my reaction.
“You getting it now?” he murmured. “I got no power in a situation where a man like me needs not only power but control. My baby girl is hurting and there isn’t one fucking thing I can do to stop it. And now, I’m at your mercy, praying to God you can make my girl whole. At the same time having to reconcile that you don’t give the first fuck I don’t want you near my daughter. And in saying that, I have to admit that fucking finally my girl has someone at her back that’s worthy of being there.”
A fire lit in my chest and scored through me as it burned a path straight to my soul—a burn that hurt so good I wasted no time memorizing the feel of it.
Worthy of being there.
Fucking, Christ.
“I hope you know I actually do care what you think,” I admitted. “I just love Addy more.”
Jasper’s eyelids drifted closed and when they opened, there was blatant respect. So I gave him one more thing.
“Belview had one thing right, Jasper. You’re a hard act to follow. You taught your girls what it means to be loved, how to accept that love, and how to give it in return. You also taught them not to accept anything less than what you gave them. I’m not stupid, and I have no intention of trying to fill your shoes. Those are yours, they’ll always be yours, because you’ll always hold that rightful place in Adalynn’s heart. But luckily for me, Emily taught her daughter a few things, too, so I don’t need to fill a place you’ll never vacate—she’s already made room for me. And that place is mine and mine alone to fill with all the goodness I can give her. With all of that, I hope