she likes me?”
“No, to reassure her mother that she’s met you, you’re a nice person, and it’s fine.”
“It’s not fine. I abandoned her. What’ll I say when I meet her? ‘I’m sorry I gave you up and ran away’?”
“You didn’t run away, Mel. You were sixteen and Mom made you do it. You would have kept her if you could have. There was no way you could. In today’s world, you could probably do that. But not thirty-three years ago. You did what you had to do. What you were forced to do. She understands that. She’s nervous too.” But not as nervous as Melissa, who was terrified that her daughter would reject her, and had good reason to. “She’s not angry at you, Mel. She’s not an angry person. She wants you in her life. She tried to find you at eighteen. She wanted to find you before that, but didn’t know how. The nuns at Saint Blaise’s didn’t make it easy for anyone. This is an incredible stroke of luck to have found her. It was meant to be. Don’t torture yourself about it until you meet.”
“Maybe I’ll have a heart attack and die before,” Melissa said grimly, and Hattie laughed.
“No. Maybe you’ll have a nice time, and be able to see her from time to time, and you even get two grandchildren in the deal. You have a family, Mellie. A daughter and a son-in-law and two grandkids.”
“Does she know I used to write?”
“She’s read all your books and loves them. You lucked out here. Now try to enjoy it and relax a little.” Hattie had never seen her solid older sister so terrified.
“Will you come with me when I meet her?” she pleaded.
“If you want me to. But I think you’re going to get along fine. I was a total stranger who barged into her office with a crazy story, and she couldn’t have been nicer to me.”
They talked about it for hours, late into the night. Melissa thanked her dozens of times and considered it from every angle, and raised every fear. Hattie spent the night reassuring her. They fell asleep on her bed, still talking, and Melissa looked exhausted when she got up the next day. She had worn herself out, and didn’t have the courage to call her daughter. She wanted Hattie to set up the meeting, and she promised she would. Melissa agreed to go to New York to see Michaela, although she dreaded it, and the memories it would revive.
She was still a nervous wreck when Hattie left to drive back to the convent on Sunday afternoon. She looked dazed when Norm came over on Monday and brought her fruit from his orchard and fresh corn. She had sent the six boxes of apples with Hattie for the convent. Norm had brought his pears, which were delicious, and he noticed how odd Melissa looked, and how distracted, and asked if she was okay.
“I had kind of a crazy weekend,” she said with a vacant look.
“Are you feeling all right?”
“No…yes…I just found out this weekend that I’m about to get something I’ve wanted desperately ever since I was a kid, and now that it’s happening I’m scared to death.” He couldn’t imagine anything that would scare her, but she looked flustered. He had never seen her like that.
“Do you want me to leave?” He suddenly felt as though he was intruding. She was in a strange mood. “Is it something I can help you with?” he asked hesitantly. There was no sign of her sharp tongue, or acerbic comments that amused him but could hurt sometimes. She seemed young and frightened and humbled.
“I’ve never told you this. I’ve never told anyone except my husband.” He could tell she was about to share another secret with him, like the ones about the son she had lost, or the books she had written. They had an odd friendship that he wanted to grow, but she never seemed ready for that and now seemed totally discombobulated and confused. She hadn’t even combed her hair yet that morning, which wasn’t like her. She was always neat as a pin, with her long dark hair pulled tightly back, or piled on her head in the heat. Now it hung down her back in a tangled mass.
“I had a baby when I was sixteen,” she blurted out and startled him. “A little girl. My parents sent me to Ireland to have her and made me give