handed me a ball of rope.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Shane…”
She shrugged her shoulders.
“No need,” I said. “Just be happy, Stacy.”
I turned and walked the Christmas tree to my car.
Lita was by my side and she held my hand.
“She’s watching us,” she whispered. “That’s the only reason I’m holding your hand.”
I smiled.
Yeah, fucking right, beauty.
18
LITA
Shane leaned the tree in the corner of his living room.
“Now what do I do?”
“The stand,” I said. “The tree goes into the stand.”
“Right,” he said. “Find the stand. I’m going to find a bottle of whiskey.”
As he walked by me, I grabbed his hand.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
He looked at me. “Yeah. No problem.”
I stepped back and then in front of him.
I moved up to my toes and touched his face with my other hand.
Slowly, I kissed his lips.
What are you doing, Lita?
I stopped kissing him and he went to get the whiskey.
I took out my phone, put on some Christmas music and began to open the boxes of lights.
Shane had me run into the store to get the lights.
He sat in his car and smoked cigarettes.
There was so much messed up about this entire thing, but… I was kind of happy.
Shane came back to the living room and groaned at the sound of the Christmas music playing.
He twisted off the cap to a fresh bottle of whiskey and took a big drink.
Then he handed me the bottle.
I took a small swig and watched him pick up the tree with ease and slam it down into the tree stand.
“I’ll hold it so you can tighten the bottom,” I said. “And you’re lucky I picked this tree. The needles don’t fall off.”
“Thanks for thinking of me,” Shane said.
He crouched down and tightened the tree stand.
When I was able to let the tree go, I smiled.
“There,” he said.
“Now we put the lights up,” I said.
Shane grabbed the whiskey bottle from me. “Can’t wait.”
He grabbed a strand of big bulbed lights and plugged them in.
He started to wrap them around the tree and I bit my lip.
“You were right too,” I said.
“About what?” Shane asked.
“I guess everything. You saw something with Blaze that nobody else did.”
Shane stopped decorating the tree. “And what’s that, Lita?”
“I’ve been waiting for him to come back,” I confessed. “Waiting for him to look in the mirror and hate himself for what he did to me. I left in a hurry when I knew what he was doing and I never got to ask how many, how long…”
“Is that something you want to know?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “It just burns in me. I knew he was up to no good. But I ignored it. Then it became more and more obvious. And when he found out I knew, he didn’t care. He just played it off that he was a rock star. He was allowed to cheat on me. To him, as long as he came home to me eventually, it didn’t matter.”
“Piece of shit,” Shane said.
“Him or me?”
Shane dropped the lights and walked to me.
He handed me the bottle of whiskey. “A little of both.”
“Wow. That’s harsh.”
“I’m not going to lie to you to make you feel good about yourself,” he said.
“I guess that’s what I like about you.”
Shane reached for another set of lights. “You do these. I’ll just watch. And listen.”
“To what?”
“To everything else you’ve been holding in.”
I drank some more whiskey and then went to work.
I moved much faster and better with the lights than Shane did.
“I think I just thought too much of myself,” I said. “I was a singer. He was a rock star. It felt like a dream. Like you said about Stacy, you know?”
Shane nodded. “I get it.”
“I thought we were going to write songs together. Become famous together. You know, I sometimes wonder if he messed up gigs for me out of jealousy.”
“Well, he’s a prick. That’s what they do.”
“I should have ran, Shane. Much earlier.”
“I should have too. We didn’t. Oh well.”
“See, what I don’t get… you kept the ring. What’s the difference between that and what I do?”
“You’re looking for the guy, Lita,” Shane said. “You think it’ll be different. I never once wanted Stacy back. I was able to face the truth right away.”
“And I’m not facing the truth? What is the truth?”
Shane laughed. “That’s for you to figure out.”
“No. Tell me what you think the truth is.”
“Fine. The truth is Blaze used you. You were a comfort to him. A security blanket. He knew he could come back to you. Someone to hug, kiss,