my brain frazzled. “It was my last one. Sam felt I was ready and I couldn’t give her a reason why I would need to go back. But she said I could call to see her again if I needed to.”
“Sara, that’s wonderful!” She pulls me into a warm hug.
A slow smile forms as I realize that it is wonderful. I didn’t see it in session or driving home. My thoughts were stuck on other things. Namely, sex.
And Jason.
We watch the game with our families, then go to Joe’s with Arissa and Damian. Then, it’s just me and Jason, cozy in a secluded spot at Cardiff.
Tiny waves lap the shore teasingly. I’m here, come and get me. Come on. Come get me. I dare you.
I’m nestled between his legs, leaning against his torso with his arms around me.
“I need to talk about something,” I say, just above a whisper.
“What about?”
“Us. Sex.”
“I’m intrigued. Tell me more.” His cheek tightens against the side of my head.
“What’s it like for you when we get carried away?”
“I feel like I’m on fire and the only way to put it out is to let it burn hotter until it burns out. What about you?” he asks in return.
“Like a violent storm and I need every inch of me connected to you to ride it out.”
His warmth leaves my back and he scoots in front of me. “What was it like with your father?”
I inhale sharply.
He slips his fingers between mine. “You’ve talked about what he did and how you felt emotionally, but not physically.”
It’s true. I never talked about how it felt, thinking it was a foregone conclusion. “It was painful. Every touch was rough. He squeezed my nipples hard. If he restrained me, it was tight. His penis was like a battering ram.”
He slides in closer. “I will never be like that.”
“I know. You’re so unlike him. It’s just hard to drive him out of my head because he was in there for so long. When Mom had the talk with me and Riss, the day he raped me the first time, she told us what it’s like between for who love each other. I know my view is skewed, but I want she talked about. I want that with you.”
His half-cocked grin appears and he plays with the charms on my bracelet. “I do too. When you’re ready, I want it all with you.”
“All?”
“I think about us having a life together. A house. Kids-”
“Kids?” I never thought about having kids because I never thought, or dreamed, of a future.
“Yeah. You know, little rugrats running around who grow into sullen teenagers hating our guts.”
I laugh. “You think they would hate our guts?”
“Total stereotype.” The left corner of his mouth quirks up.
I run my fingers into his hair. “I love you, J. I still don’t think I deserve you sometimes, but I’m grateful you love me back.”
“Always and forever,” he murmurs, drawing me in and leisurely exploring my mouth with his tongue.
Yes, always and forever.
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
I spent the months since Manny’s conviction and my last session finding normal. Living my days with school, family, Hunter, and Jason with no anxiety about my biological family and what horror would be waiting for me next. The only forms of excitement were at football and basketball games, going to parties, and the weekly cookouts to keep our families connected.
With all the normalcy, there is no missing prom this year.
Damian arrives in the limo we’ll share and Jason drives over in his car. They wear all black: shirt, tie, suit, socks, and shoes.
Arissa’s tea-length dress is layers of lapis lazuli satin and georgette with spaghetti straps. It sets off her dark red hair and sapphire eyes.
My red chiffon dress drapes at the neckline with off-the-shoulder sleeves and sweeps out from the waist to a handkerchief hem.
Andrew takes pictures with a camera and Arissa’s, Damian’s, and Jason’s phones. Jason texts two of the pictures to Alana on the ride to the hotel.
The hotel is in chaos when the limo pulls up in front. Cars and limos all over the driveway. People everywhere. Camera flashes going off every five seconds.
The Hotel Del Coronado is massive in its sprawl. The stark white building contrasts with the deep red roofing and the Pacific Ocean in the background. I feel like I should be wearing white linen instead. Jason weaves his fingers through mine while I take it all in and then we follow Damian and Arissa through the hotel. His friends and teammates