head into Jason and Tommy’s room and gather everything Jason requested, which turns out to be more than I can manage on my own. I carry the laundry basket out on my hip. “I think I do need help. Do you guys mind?” I ask, setting the basket down and adding my purse on top.
They jump up, head into the room, and return with bags in hand.
“Do you want us to go with you?” Chad asks.
I pause, about to tell them not to worry when Tommy speaks up, “We’ll walk back. You don’t have to drive us back.”
“When you put it that way,” I smile. “Sure.”
We load up the car and arrive at the apartment in a few minutes. Tommy and Chad follow me through the door.
The futon is pulled out and Jason is under the covers. Dad and Alana are reading the Los Angeles Times at the table. I remove the backpack and laptop bag from the laundry basket Tommy carries and I nod towards the walk-in closet. I take the bags to the desk in the dining room.
“Thanks guys,” I whisper to Tommy and Chad.
“You’re welcome,” Tommy says low. “My cell number should be in Jason’s phone. Call if you need anything. I mean it. One of us will be here to help.”
I nod. “I have your room number too.”
They leave quietly and I walk over to Dad and Alana. “Do you two need anything?” I ask.
“No, honey. We’ll be getting out of your hair,” Alana answers, folding up the section of paper she was reading.
“Do you need us to pick anything up for you before we go?” Dad asks, stacking their sections together.
“I’m good. The guys are nearby if I need help.”
I close the door behind them, locking it, then slip off Jason’s jacket and drop it on the floor next to the futon. I climb under the covers as gently as I can and lay on my left side.
“I’m awake, Parker.” He opens his eyes and grins.
The pinpoint of light brightens my world. I smile in return, happy to have him home. Safe. “This whole time?”
“Uh huh.” He twines his fingers with mine and kisses them.
“What did you mean when you woke up and said, ‘Still the best damn smile’?”
He flashes a guilty grin. “I’ve known you since fifth grade. I didn’t stalk you,” he says in response to my dropped jaw. “We were never in the same class, but I saw you outside during recess and at lunch. One day, you were sitting against the wall watching everyone play. I wanted to talk to you, but you kept your hair in your face like it was a wall keeping everyone away.”
He runs the back of his hand across my cheek. “That day in the cafeteria, I wasn’t sitting next to Arissa by chance. I saw you laughing and smiling across the room.” His thumb runs across my lower lip, “It was the best damn smile I’d ever seen.”
“All this time and you never told me?”
“I didn’t want you to think I was crazy.” He grasps my hip and I wince. “What’s wrong?” he asks, throwing the covers off.
“I’m bruised from catching you then tackling Mandy.”
“I want to see.” He props himself up on his forearm.
I clamber off the futon and grimace as I shimmy out of my jeans, which now have holes in the knees from tackling Mandy. I get halfway through pulling my shirt up and pain shoots from my shoulder. I drop my shirt.
“Do you need help?”
“No. Give me a sec.” I reach behind with my left hand and pull it over my head, then lay back down on my left side.
Tears flow down his cheeks as he surveys the discoloration mottling the right side of my body. “I’m sorry,” he says, pushing the tears away.
“It’s just bruises.”
“It’s because of me.”
We each blame ourselves, but in truth it doesn’t matter as long as we’re together.
“I would do it again in a heartbeat.”
He rolls onto his back and gestures with his hand for me to join him. I scoot over and nestle between his arm and his body, then cover us with the bedding.
He cradles his arm against my back and kisses the top of my head. “This,” he says with a contented sigh.
I rest my hand over the thump-thumping of his heart. Definitely this.
EPILOGUE
I amble barefoot on the cool grass, carrying a bouquet of dark purple calla lilies and scanning the yard. Dad kisses my cheek as I pass him next to the iPod playing “Sara Smile.”
My, how my family has changed and grown.
Alana, Coach, his wife, and half the team sit to my right. Mom, Felix, Shelly, and the rest of the team sit on my left. Arissa stands on the left, grinning from ear to ear in her lavender sundress holding a bouquet of white calla lilies. Hunter is next to her in a black dress shirt and black pants. Jason, Damian, and Tommy stand on the right, dressed in black like Hunter.
Simon, Tibby, and Victoria are still out there, but this is my true family. The family I was meant to have. I won’t worry about the family I was born into until I need to. I’m moving forward, to my future, with every step I take right now.
My rushing river waits for me, as he always has.
He reaches out as I near, and I weave my fingers through his. I turn my head and our eyes lock. He dips his head and touches his forehead to mine. Words aren’t necessary to express what we feel.
Always and forever.
Yes…I would live through the darkness again to get to here.
National Resources
National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
Childhelp Website: childhelp.org/
CPS Hotline Numbers via Childhelp website:
childhelp.org/page/-/pdfs/CPS-Phone-Numbers.pdf
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN): https:// rainn.org/
About the Author
Debi V. Smith’s love for writing started with an elementary class assignment to write a poem. She continued to write poetry in her free time, and then tried her hand at short stories in her teens. Longer works were turned in for her college writing classes. She earned a B.A. in Psychology from the University of Hawai`i at Mānoa and worked with children and adolescents for ten and half years, followed by working with adults for two years as a mental health professional.
Debi currently resides in Ohio with her husband Chaz, but Hawai`i will always be home. She is a voracious reader with an appreciation for music and movies. You can find her chatting and sharing music videos on Twitter at @DebiVSmith.
Table of Contents
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX
CHAPTER SEVEN
CHAPTER EIGHT
CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER TEN
CHAPTER ELEVEN
CHAPTER TWELVE
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CHAPTER NINETEEN
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
CHAPTER THIRTY
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
CHAPTER FORTY
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
CHAPTER FIFTY
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
CHAPTER SIXTY
CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO
CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE
CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
CHAPTER SIXTY-SIX
CHAPTER SIXTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER SIXTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
CHAPTER SEVENTY
CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE
CHAPTER SEVENTY-TWO
CHAPTER SEVENTY-THREE
CHAPTER SEVENTY-FOUR
CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE
CHAPTER SEVENTY-SIX
CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN
CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT
CHAPTER SEVENTY-NINE
CHAPTER EIGHTY
CHAPTER EIGHTY-ONE
CHAPTER EIGHTY-TWO
CHAPTER EIGHTY-THREE
CHAPTER EIGHTY-FOUR
CHAPTER EIGHTY-FIVE
CHAPTER EIGHTY-SIX