a picture in each hand, waving one. “This is what Sara did in the sandtray when I asked her to show me how the Parker family relates to each other.”
Rose and Andrew scoot to the edge of their chairs for a closer look. They move back when they finish studying the picture and each put an arm around me without saying a word.
Sam holds out the second picture. “This is what Sara did when I asked her to show me how your family relates to each other.”
“I thought you liked living with us,” Rose says, a hint of a question behind it as she turns to me.
“I do. But I feel like I don’t fit. Like it’s not normal.”
“What’s not normal?” Andrew asks.
“May I answer that, Sara?” Sam asks.
I dip my head in consent.
Sam holds up the first picture again. “This is normal to Sara. This is what she experienced day after day for years until she came to live with you. To you two, it may look like complete chaos, but this is all she knew. She knew what to expect and how to navigate through her day with order.” She switches pictures. “All of a sudden, she is experiencing this, day after day. To you, it is ordered and normal. Sara never knew this before. To her, this is chaos and she has trouble with finding order and normality.”
“But we couldn’t leave her there for Simon to beat her once we knew,” Rose states, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“I’m not saying what you did was wrong,” Sam says, keeping her voice light. “I’m saying she’s gone through years of abuse and it takes time to heal from that kind of trauma. As tumultuous as her life appeared with the Parkers, she had control through her routines and rules, whether they make sense to us or not.
“Rigidity is common in addicted families. Rules are imposed for the illusion of stability while she was thrust into the role of the Lost Child, forgotten by her parents while they fawned over her sister. The Lost Child is typically withdrawn, quiet, and distant while feeling angry and hurt. They tend to behave in an apathetic manner as they distance themselves from their pain.
“The majority of the adult responsibilities were thrust on Sara, forcing her in an adult role at the same time. The combination of her roles with the rigidity results in a lack of emotional growth, so her coping skills may come off as immature or petulant. This is compounded by the fact that her parents were, what we call, ‘underresponsible’ for meeting her emotional needs.
“Right now, she needs to feel like she’s in control of something.”
I turn to Rose. “I’m glad I live with you, Andrew, and Riss now. You saved me. I just can’t stand not being able to do something like the dishes or clearing the table.”
“Does Sara have any chores in your home?” Sam asks.
“No. We know how much Simon and Tibby made her do and we want her to enjoy what’s left of her youth,” Andrew explains.
“I think Sara is old enough that it would be okay for her to be responsible for a few things like helping in the kitchen.”
“That sounds reasonable. Would that make you feel more at home, Sara?” Andrew asks.
“Yes,” I answer, sliding back up in the chair.
We agree that I’ll do the dishes and Arissa will set the table and clear it to start off. Rose snickers. “Arissa isn’t going to like this.”
I join Rose in her laughter. “She’ll get over it. She always does. She just has to be dramatic about it first.”
Sam helps us identify verbal and non-verbal cues Rose and Andrew can use when they notice my anxiety increasing without calling attention to it.
CHAPTER THIRTY
My fingers are twined with Jason’s as he walks me to Chemistry at the end of lunch.
“Lucky you, getting out of school early,” he says, teasing.
I frown. “I wish it was for something better.”
“I know, Parker.” He squeezes my hand with light pressure. “I wish you didn’t need to go at all.”
We stop in front of my classroom and face each other.
“I’ll call you when I get home from practice.”
“After dinner.”
He touches his lips to mine in a brief kiss. A small shudder ripples through my body. He breaks away. Whatever that just was, I like how it feels.
Sam pulls out the sandtray pictures of my family and lays them out. “The last time you were here alone, you did this for me. Are