like but refused to give up anyway. Who could look right past his rubbish and see deep inside to the things he kept hidden.
Evie, who was having his baby.
A baby he didn’t know how to love.
A sudden knock at his door stomped through his head like a herd of stampeding elephants and he groaned out loud. He wanted to yell to whoever it was to go away but was afraid he might have a stroke if he did. If he just lay here, maybe Evie would think he’d already gone out.
Because that knock had the exact cadence of a pissed-off woman.
It came again followed by, ‘Finn? Finn!’
Lydia? Wrong pissed-off woman.
‘Finn Kennedy, open this bloody door now. Don’t make me get my key out!’
Finn rolled out of bed. It wasn’t the smoothest exit from his bed he’d ever executed but considering he felt like he was about to die, the fact he could walk at all was a miracle.
‘Coming,’ he called as the knock came again, wincing as it drove nails into his brain.
He wrenched open the door just as he heard a metallic scratching from the other side. His brother’s widow, a petite redhead, stood on the doorstep glowering at him, hands on hips.
‘You look like hell,’ she said.
He grunted. ‘I feel like hell.’
‘Right,’ she said, striding past him into his apartment. ‘Coffee first, I think. Then you can tell me what happened to get you into this state.’
Finn was tempted to throw her out. But he really, really needed coffee.
Fifteen minutes later he was inhaling the aroma of the same Peruvian Arabica beans Lydia had brought him the last time she’d come for a flying visit and he hadn’t touched since. Grinding beans was way too much trouble, no matter how good they were. He took a sip of coffee and shut his eyes as his pulse gave a little kick.
His home phone rang from the direction of his bedroom and he ignored it as he felt the coffee slowly reviving him. Khalid only had his mobile number and everything else could just wait.
Lydia waited until he’d taken a few more sips before pinning him with that direct look of hers. She’d come a long way since the broken woman he’d comforted a decade ago. In his own grief and in the midst of their screwy relationship he had judged her harshly for that, for what he’d perceived as weakness, but she had come out the other side a much stronger person.
‘Spill,’ she said.
Finn thought about playing dumb but the truth was that Lydia was one of the few people who really understood how he ticked. She’d been the one who’d moved on from their half-hearted affair when she’d seen it had been perpetuating an unhealthy co-dependence. The strange mix of relief and regret at its ending had confused him but she’d never left him completely and as his one tangible link to Isaac he’d been grateful for her watchful eye and bossy persona.
‘Evie’s pregnant.’
Lydia blinked. ‘Oh.’
Finn took another sip of his coffee. ‘Indeed.’
‘It’s yours?’
Finn nodded. It wasn’t something he’d questioned for a moment. ‘A little boy.’
‘Oh,’ Lydia said again, hiding a smile as she sipped at her coffee.
Finn frowned. ‘Are you smiling?’
Lydia shook her head, feigning a serious expression. ‘Absolutely not.’
‘This is not funny.’
Her shaking became more vigorous. ‘Not funny at all.’
Finn plonked his mug on the coffee table and raked his hands through his hair; his chest felt tight and his heart raced. He blamed the coffee rather than what he suspected it actually was—sheer panic.
Lydia didn’t understand.
Except she did.
His hands trembled as he looked at her with bleak eyes that had seen too much hate. ‘I’m too damaged for a baby, Lyd.’
Lydia’s smile disappeared in an instant and she reached out her hand to cover his. ‘Maybe this is just what you need to help you heal?’ she murmured.
He shook her hand away—how could he gamble that on the life of an innocent child? ‘I never wanted a baby. This wasn’t my choice.’
‘Well, we don’t always get what we want in life, do we, Finn? You know that better than anyone. So you didn’t get a say? Too bad—it’s here, it’s happening. And guess what, you do get a choice about what you do now.’
Finn stared at her incredulously. ‘What? Be a father?’
‘Yes,’ she nodded. ‘Be a father.’
Finn shook his head as his chest grew tighter, practically constricting his chest. ‘No.’
‘Be the father you always wanted.’
Finn shook his head. ‘I never wanted a father.’
Lydia gave him