people with diabetes? It’s true. It also helps cholesterol.” His eyes widened as though he’d just recalled something important. “Oh, I remember now. It can also help alleviate pesky hemorrhoids.” He smirked, nodding and pointing his fork at me. “Keep that in mind. You never know when you’ll need that little tidbit of information.”
His gaze flashed to my empty plate and the food sprawled across the coffee table. “Aren’t you going to eat?”
I flinched and realized I’d been so caught up in his babbling, I’d not touched the food. I cleared my throat and bent to the task, helping myself to a bit of everything, including the cilantro and lime chicken that had kicked off the whole conversation.
Skylar talked through the entire meal. I didn’t see how he managed to eat anything since his gums never stopped flapping. At least he had enough sense not to talk with his mouth full. Somehow, he filled his plate twice, emptying it both times, all while carrying on an entire, one-sided conversation.
It was while I tidied the leftovers and loaded the dirty plates into the dishwasher that Skylar dropped the act and asked the question that had been lingering between us since he’d shown up.
“So why am I here, Jason? Do you need me naked in your bed, or can I pick your brain about your ex?”
Need not want. Did I need him in my bed? Skylar wasn’t stupid. He knew.
I dried my hands on a towel and glanced around the kitchen, looking for a distraction. Skylar touched my arm, drawing me around to face him. His scent invaded my nostrils, something warm and relaxing, like honey or amber, like the outdoors in the spring when everything comes back to life. That was what Skylar smelled like. Rebirth. New growth. Fresh, alluring, intoxicating.
“I told you last time, I’m good either way. We can talk, or we can fuck.” He ran a finger down the center of my chest, letting it catch a moment on each button. “I’m not gonna turn down a good fuck, and it’s okay if that’s all this is.”
I caught his wrist before he drew a path below my belt. Everything in me wanted to tear his clothes off and take him to bed. After those few minutes of hesitance last time, I felt stronger, more certain. What we’d shared had been humiliating. It hadn’t been good sex. It had been mediocre at best, and it had nothing to do with Skylar and everything to do with my head getting in the way.
Distracted by my reservations and Morgan and my life, I’d struggled to let go and just enjoy the moment.
If I had the chance, I wanted to do it all over. Differently. It didn’t have to be intimate, but I could try to be less mechanical.
Skylar popped the top few buttons on my shirt, taking the lead, assuming I wasn’t interested in talking.
I stopped him again, keeping both his hands trapped this time. “Skylar.” My voice caught.
“It’s okay.” The overhead light reflected in his eyes, their two-toned color showing hints of silver in the mix I’d never noticed before.
“I didn’t ask you over for this. I mean… I like this. Don’t get me wrong. If we should… I mean, after… then… It’s just…” I closed my eyes, tilting my head back and heaving a frustrated sigh. “I’m a fucking mess.”
He took hold of my face and drew it back down.
“You’re doing fine. Do you want to talk?”
“I don’t know. No, but… I can.”
He studied my face for a long time. “Question. For curiosity’s sake. How long were you married?”
My mouth was dry, my skin hot. “Since 2003. But we were together a couple of years before that.”
“So, I’m going to go out on a limb and say the idea of sleeping with someone else is tripping you up a little, isn’t it?”
I groaned. “Yes. I… This is weird to talk about.”
“Just talk. Close your eyes, and just let the words fall out. Don’t think about them. And don’t worry about offending me. I don’t offend that easily. I’m more of the offender if you know what I mean.” He chuckled.
I studied Skylar’s face a minute before doing what he suggested. After a few steadying breaths, I spoke. “I thought Morgan was the one. My soulmate. The man who would be beside me until the end. We met at university. I was twenty-two, and he was twenty-four.” I huffed a humorless laugh. “Not much younger than you.”
I went to open