frantically shook his head. “That’s not an excuse. I’m not saying it like that. But… I wanted to ask you a hundred times if you’d help me. I tried, but any mention of Morgan triggers you so badly. I hated upsetting you. You’ve been doing so much better. You’re smiling and laughing, and what we’ve got is just… I’ve never had anything like this before, Jason.”
That endless mouth I was so fond of—had been fond of—ran and ran and ran. It was word vomit. Endless babbling. It was all Skylar knew how to do. When he was happy, nervous, excited, maybe even when he was sad, which was how he looked right now, Skylar talked.
But today, he was filled with excuses.
His seafoam green eyes glistened with unshed tears, and his lower lip quivered once before he got it under control. His cheeks were pink with the exertion of energy. His hands flew in the air with his mouth.
Endless. It was all so endless. That was Skylar.
“You told me to find the information elsewhere. Any way I could, you said. Hunter suggested an interview. Lots of journalists do things like that, right? He said if the guy for his case study wasn’t dead, he’d do it too. What better way to get information? I told him he was insane, but then I thought, why not? It would be simple. Just an interview. Morgan didn’t have to know who I was. I could be anyone.”
Again, he wrung his hands. Were his words coming faster, or was it my imagination? They sounded like a freight train barreling down the track. And I was standing in its way. I needed to move. Say something. The collision was imminent.
“I had questions planned,” Skylar went on. “But when I got in there… Jason, I was scared. I knew right away I’d made a big mistake. I knew you’d be angry. He looked at me, and it was like he could see right through me, and I thought… I thought… I fucked up so badly. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know what to say to make it better.”
The ground rumbled with that approaching train. When it struck, I wasn’t sure I’d survive.
“The thing is, I’ve never felt like this about anyone in my life. Please don’t be angry. Jason, I think I’m falling—”
“You lied to me,” I said, my voice low and coarse.
Skylar shook his head. “No. I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you.”
“You lied. I trusted you, Skylar. How could you think this was okay? In what universe is this okay?”
“It was a mistake. I know that now. I was an idiot. I’m always an idiot. I’m so sorry.” His voice warbled. “Please.”
“What were you thinking? How does interviewing Morgan in any way compute as acceptable in your head? He destroyed my life, Skylar.” I couldn’t hear past the roar of the oncoming train. “I’m a fucking mess because of that man. Never mind the lives of all the men he killed. Of the families he destroyed. He’s a cold-blooded killer. A sociopath. And you what? Thought it was a grand idea to go behind my back, betray me, and visit him at the prison? Taunt him after all he’s done? Are you a fucking idiot?”
“I know.”
The hot steam of the train licked my face as the current driving it forward threw up great waves of gusting wind.
“I made a mistake. Please don’t be mad. I don’t think I can take it. I’m falling for you and…”
The collision, when it happened, shattered my insides. I didn’t hear the rest. I tuned it out. I couldn’t process on that level. Not now. Sadly, somewhere deep in my heart, I’d expected this catastrophic end.
When I found my voice, my words were dark. “You had no right.”
“Jason—”
“Get out. Go home.”
“Jason—”
“Leave me alone,” I roared. “Leave. Me. Alone.”
“No.” Skylar’s cheeks burned with anger, and his tone matched mine, startling me. Skylar wasn’t one to raise his voice.
He was trembling. Vibrating. “Listen to me for a goddamn second. People make mistakes, Jason. I’m human. In retrospect, going to interview Morgan was a whopper of a mistake. Maybe the worst one I’ve ever made in my life. I get it. My reasoning doesn’t seem sound to you. I get that too. I wasn’t setting out to hurt you or make you angry. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I was trying to protect you. Talking about Morgan fucks you up. I know. If