me. The last thing to get rid of is me. I can’t do it. I don’t know how to be better. I place the razor against my groin and let out a painful cry when my skin parts.
I stop at my knee and drop the razor on the floor, watching the blood pour out of me quickly. I must have nicked my artery. I lean my head on the edge of the counter and close my eyes, but Brody’s face is still there.
His face will always be there.
In my dreams, in death, in the afterlife, he’s the black hole.
I’m sinking further into nothing, drifting to peace, and finally, I see Eric’s face.
“Fuck! Joanna, damn it, what did you do? What did you do!” I hear a voice that I don’t hear too often. I hear a whip of the towel coming off the rack and then pressure is applied to my thigh where I’m bleeding the most. A shirt is tugged over my head and then suddenly I’m lifted into a pair of arms. “What did you do? Doc is going to be devastated. He fucking loves you, Joanna. You can’t do this anymore. He fucking loves you.”
I manage to pry my eyes open from feeling so weak, and I’m surprised to see Badge out of all people. I never thought he liked me. He probably doesn’t. He doesn’t seem to have patience for people like me, people with problems. I don’t blame him.
I don’t like me either.
“I love him too,” I say as the warm air hits my face as we step outside. “I’m scared I won’t love my baby.” My eyes slip closed, and the doubt of what I just said slaps me in the face. I know I would love my child.
There’s a hint of resentment, but to who? Me? Brody?
“You’re pregnant? Damn it, he’s going to kill me if I don’t get you to him in time,” Badge says, running toward the clubhouse.
My head bobs, and a slight smile tilts my lips. “He’s better off without me. Who wants someone who’s pregnant with another man’s baby? I didn’t ask for it,” I start to cry.
“What do you mean? Hey, Joanna, what does that mean?” He shakes me, but unconsciousness is taking over.
It means I trusted the wrong person, and now I don’t know how to trust the right people.
I’m putting the final touches on Daniel, who’s still knocked out and handcuffed to the bed.
“Doc!” Badge yells from the top of the stairs.
What now? We have church in thirty minutes. I don’t have time for this.
“Everyone wants a piece of Doc today, huh?” Skirt asks as he stares at the staircase to see what Badge is bellowing about. I told him to go get my phone from the house but to be careful not to wake Jo. I want her to rest. Now that I think about it, I was selfish last night. The doctor at the hospital said she needed rest, and I definitely did not let her rest last night. Damn it, I should have.
“Shit, Doc!” Skirt slaps my arm to get my attention, and I look at the staircase to see Badge carrying a very limp, very pale, Jo.
I drop everything in my hands, and they clatter to the floor. My heart is dead in my chest when I see the amount of blood flowing down her leg. The towel is soaked red.
“What the fuck happened?” I snatch her from his arms and cradle her to my chest while I carry her over to another bed. The only empty bed I have left. When did this become an emergency room all of a sudden? “Jo, baby? Hey…” I shake her a bit to try to get her beautiful green eyes to open. “Jo-love, please answer me. What happened, Badge? Tell me everything.” I unwrap the towel from her leg and wince when I see another vertical cut. She’s nicked her artery. She’s going to need another transfusion. Goddamn it. “I asked what happened!” I bellow as I run to the fridge to grab a bag of blood.
“I … I don’t know. I grabbed your phone from the top of your desk like you said, and I heard sniffling. I wanted to make sure she was okay, and I found her like that on the toilet. I swear, I don’t know. Doc, she said she was pregnant and didn’t ask for it. What does that mean? Do we need to find him? We’ll kill him.”
“I’ve