couldn’t get you to listen to me. I’m sorry,” he says, leaning down and pressing a kiss against my still lips.
“Wha…” I try to form the words but whatever is happening to me is taking me further into darkness. “Brody—no,” I beg. “Not… like this.” My hands are cement blocks at my sides as I try to press against his chest to get him off me, but I can’t move.
“So goddamn pretty. You’d never let me have you otherwise. I have to have you. You don’t understand, Joanna. I love you.” He yanks my shirt over my head next, and the black abyss edging my vision threatens to take me under to the point that I won’t be able to defend myself in any way.
“St—stop it.” The demand is weak slurs. “No, Brody!” His name is the only word that leaves my mouth that I can understand.
“I can’t. Not when it comes to you.” He unbuttons my pants, pulls them down my legs, and moans. “Look at you, all this beautiful, soft skin. Mmm.” He bends over and presses a kiss to my navel.
I tell my muscles to move, but I can’t. Nothing is working. I’m frozen. I can see what he’s doing to me, but I can’t protest. I can’t move. When I try to speak, nothing comes out besides fearful whimpers.
I should’ve listened to my instincts and left when I first got to this party.
“Feel me. Can you feel how hard you make me? It’s like that all the time,” he says, taking my hand in his and pressing it against his erection.
Tears brim my eyes as I try to yank away from him, but he groans, thinking I’m trying to rub him.
“I can’t wait any longer,” he moans and rips at my bra, the material tearing until my breasts are free. My nipples bead from the cold air wrapping around them. “I knew you’d like this. You just needed to relax,” he praises my body’s natural reaction to air. He sucks a nipple between his lips and lets go with a rough plop.
Tears leave my eyes as I think about Eric. I don’t know why my mind is concentrating on him, but he’s the only peace I can think of. Maybe he’ll be able to help me after this? Doctor’s do that, right?
“Bro—dy, no,” I struggle once more. My eyelids hood, forcing themselves shut, and when another small burst of energy takes over, I open them wide again. It’s pointless—whatever was in that drink is going to be the death of me.
Eric will never want to touch me now.
I’ll be ruined. Sloppy seconds. Used goods.
A girl who went to a party and had sex. That’s all I’ll ever be.
Brody’s nails dig in my sides and scratch down my ribcage, leaving red lines in my rapist’s wake.
I shake my head and try to roll over, to see if maybe I can gain enough momentum to roll off the bed.
But I don’t.
I physically can’t.
His palms fondle my tits, and he kisses his way down my stomach until he reaches my panties. “N … n … no,” I try to yell, but I can barely hear my weak plea. Another tear sounds and he hums in sexual satisfaction when he can see me head to toe, naked.
He strokes his cock, watching me as he spreads my legs wide. I’m unable to stop him. Being like this reminds me of sleep paralysis. I’m awake, but my body can’t move. I’m forced to live out the horror.
“So pink, Joanna. We’re going to feel so good together. I wish you could see what I see.”
“Stop,” I cry tiredly.
He backhands me across the face, and his hand presses against my throat. “Shut the fuck up, Joanna. Enjoy this. Stop playing hard to get. You know you want it. You know you want me. Shut the fuck up.” His demeanor completely changes, and his hand roughly grips my tit while the other dives between my legs and shoves my thighs apart.
I shake my head, trying to form the word ‘stop’, but my voice is numb.
Unable to move, unable to breathe, unable to scream, I cry.
And I wonder if fate has always had this in store for me as Brody takes from me and changes who I am for the rest of my life.
I was saved from this happening, and it happened anyway.
What kind of world is that?
It’s a world I don’t want to live in.
I wake up crying and choking for air as the memory