games. Surprisingly, the racetrack option wins. He’s one to shy away from doing something extreme given a better option. We drive to LNCWare where the helicopter waits for us. In less than thirty minutes we’re on the track pushing the gas pedal.
Two hours later, we’re back home, and there’s no trace of the Brassard family. I decide to prepare a snack for Nyx before we search for them.
“What are you doing?” Ford asks as I grab a ginger seltzer from the fridge.
“We have to find Nyx and feed her.”
He tilts his head and furrows his eyebrows. “Why?”
“Because she needs something to eat,” I explain.
He scratches the back of his neck and says, “I don’t remember you doing this for Bronwyn.”
“You weren’t around,” I scrub a hand along my jaw. Fuck, this entire conversation is a mix between a counseling session, the Spanish Inquisition, and a kid afraid to lose his favorite toy.
I’m not saying that Persy is a toy. By now, I understand he adores her, but could he trust their relationship a little more—and me too? He’s right though. I don’t think I ever worried about what Bronwyn ate, if she had a good night’s sleep, or if there was anything I could do to make her comfortable during her pregnancy.
Am I doing this out of guilt for what I didn’t do for my ex?
“I was around,” he reminds me. “See…you two were close, but I don’t think you were as devoted to her as you are to Nyx. The way you look at her is different. How you speak about her and the baby… Dude, I’ve seen you yawning during conference calls because, and I quote, ‘Nyx and the blueberry demon had a bad night. I just need another cup of coffee.’”
“Your point?” I blow out a frustrated breath.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he states.
“Like running away from her if there’s a misunderstanding instead of communicating with her?” I ask, bring up what happened between him and Persy only a few weeks ago. It’s a low blow, but I have to find ways to stop him. “We’re mature enough to have an adult conversation.”
“When are you going to have this so-called adult conversation about your feelings? I’m just going to throw this out there and remind you that she’s expecting someone else’s baby,” he says, punching me with a fucking low blow of his own. “What if he swoops in and says, ‘Let’s try to become a family?’”
I text Nyx to check where she’s at. She responds that they are close to Bow Bridge. I ask her to wait there for me.
“Don’t ignore me,” Ford growls.
“I need to know where she’s at, okay,” I respond. “If I know her, she hasn’t eaten anything since the smoothie I gave her earlier.”
“Don’t deflect,” Ford orders as I text the driver to meet me downstairs because I need him to drop us by Bow Bridge.
“I’m not,” I respond, fucking annoyed with his attitude. “Obviously you don’t know Nyx well enough. I met Edward, and I doubt there’ll be any trial period. Your scenario sounds scary, but not for me. I know where I stand when it comes to her. I’m her friend.”
“Denial,” he barks.
“That’s what we are at this moment,” I press. “Being in love with her doesn’t change what we mean to each other at this moment. If at some point I can offer her more, I don’t know how she’ll respond. I don’t plan on professing my undying love for her, because as of right now, I’m not sure if what I feel is the real deal. Keep up, Langford. I am fixing my shit, and I can’t rehash this conversation again. Any other questions before we meet them?”
He glares at me and shakes his head.
“Good. Let’s pin this conversation for a later time. Maybe when I know what I feel, or never. I like the latter better.”
Is Ford right about my behavior toward Nyx? Yes. Nyx has a different hold on my heart than Bronwyn did. I don’t know if it has to do with the circumstances, the person I am today, or the fact that Nyx is different.
Either way, I am taking my time analyzing what’s happening between us. I can’t be reckless with her, even when at times I wish I can just kiss her and act upon my desires.
She’s too important to be careless. I’m finding myself, hoping I emerge from the debris that was my old life, guided by her voice. She’s becoming my guide.