I still look out for her. She trusts easily, and even when I’m watching her like a hawk, shit happens. Like her stupid agent stealing millions of dollars from her.
My baby sister, Callie... Well, I tried to be a good role model for her but I’m not sure when I’ll speak to her again. I’m still fucking mad at her.
It is when Persy is signing her new book deal, The Last Swipe: A Guide to Find Yourself, that I realize I don’t know where or who I am anymore.
Ironic, I have a sister who has a blog, a podcast, and books about self-help, and I am lost. Even though I’m smiling, nodding, and paying attention to this meeting, I’m lost. My goals seem insignificant now. Maybe Callie was right when she said I was fucking boring. I only allow myself to have certain moments of fun.
When was the last time I had fun on my own?
I’m not talking about going out with Persy and having a few drinks or too many where I end up puking. When I go out on dates, things never go past the one-night stand—if they go anywhere. Being a kick-ass lawyer isn’t fulfilling anymore. Am I happy?
Where do I swipe right for myself?
I should make a list of the things I need to do for myself. Do I even have time to do anything about my current situation? I have student loans, a mortgage, and the option to become a junior partner within the next couple of years. I can’t throw away my hard work because I feel unfulfilled. Can I?
We adjourn the meeting and though I grin at my sister and celebrate our big win, I’m depressed as fuck. I’m lucky my sister is too busy thinking about Langford Chadwick, her love interest. She sees me as someone who breezes through life effortlessly. She swears I always have a plan and my to-do list is full of checks because it’s all done. But everything I do focuses on work, financial goals, or my family. What about my personal life?
When was the last time I let my hair loose and just lived for the moment?
Never.
Persy and I have been silent for most of the drive. My heart sinks when we stop right in front of an old, tall building that sits across from Central Park. This is it. The moment when she finds her future and I’m kind of left behind. There’s no doubt in my mind she’s going to find her happiness. What’s going to happen to me afterward?
I might stay stuck in my current life because there won’t be anyone to reach out to when I need help. I want to tell her, “Yo, I’m drowning. Is there any way that you can throw me a life jacket before you set sail and leave me behind?”
That’s not what older sisters do. We smile reassuringly and squeeze our little sister’s hand as she’s about to embark on a new adventure.
The building is gorgeous. The interior exudes an air of elegance. The doorman walks us to the elevator and even pushes the top floor for us. When the doors open I almost gasp at the breathtaking view of New York. I want to run toward the floor to ceiling windows so I can see the entire city from the top.
A man in his mid-fifties wearing a dark suit looks at us and nods politely. “Ms. Persephone, Mr. Chadwick is waiting for you in the library. If you follow the hallway to your left, you’ll see the French doors immediately. Ms. Nyx, if you want to follow me, I’ll take you to your room.”
“I have a room.” I glance at Persy and give her a mischievous smile. “Something tells me you are going to share a room.”
“Doubtful,” she disagrees.
“I’m Demetri,” the guy introduces himself as we walk toward the staircase. “I manage the household for Mr. Chadwick. If you need anything, please let me know. Do you have any preferences on food, intolerances, or…? I need the information so I can order.”
“No, I’m not allergic to anything, and I will eat pretty much everything,” I state. “Except insects. Crickets are crunchy but the aftertaste is…not my favorite.”
He arches an eyebrow and shakes his head, “I’m sure we can accommodate your preferences, Ms. Nyx. This is your room. The bathroom is to your left and the closet to your right. Your luggage is already on top of the bench. If you require a personal shopper, let me