if he was all right?
His shape came into view, distorted by the lens in the peephole. He was carrying a bag with a loaf of bread sticking out of the top. I wanted him to pause, to hesitate, to glance in the direction of my door, but he did none of these things. He continued up to the second floor, taking the steps two at a time.
Monday 2 February 2004
My happiness came and went like a ghostly breath. Throughout January I went from looking forward to Lee working, to missing him, to looking forward to him going back to work again.
When I opened the door my first thought was that Lee had been in the house again, moving my things around. There was a smell, a draft from somewhere. The house felt chilly, strange. I shouted “Hello? Lee?” although I knew he was working; he’d sent me some texts earlier. I wouldn’t have put it past him to come home early to surprise me, though, so I was cautious going into the living room in case he was hiding in there and was going to jump out at me.
It wasn’t messy, the way you’d expect a burglarized house to look. It was only when I realized my laptop had gone, complete with the charger, that I looked across to the patio doors and saw that they were slightly open, the exterior of the lock damaged, as though someone had drilled through it.
I reached in my bag for my phone and dialed Lee’s number.
“Hey,” he said. “What’s up?”
“I think someone’s been in my house,” I said.
“What?”
“The back door’s open. My laptop’s gone.”
“Where are you now?”
“In the kitchen, why?”
“Don’t touch anything, go and wait in the car, okay? I’m on my way back.”
“Should I call the police?”
“I’ll do it. I’ll be there in a minute. All right? Catherine?”
“Yes—yes. I’m okay.”
Sitting in my car outside I started shaking and crying. It wasn’t the laptop. It was the thought that someone had been in there, had broken into the house and been through my things. He might even still be in there.
The patrol car arrived a few minutes before Lee did, and even though I was halfway through explaining what had happened, Lee shook the officer’s hand and they both went inside, leaving me outside by the car. And half an hour later, a white van with a crime scene investigator who told me her name even though I forgot what it was seconds later. I went into the house with her and showed her the lock and the dining table where my laptop had been.
Soon after that, Lee and the uniformed police officer came down from upstairs. There was a lot of handshaking and laughing and then the officer left.
I made the crime scene woman a cup of tea while she dusted for fingerprints and swabbed a few surfaces. It all looked quite random to me.
When she left, I started crying again.
“I’m sorry,” I said, as Lee took me in his arms and held me.
“It’s all right,” he said. “You’re safe. I’m here.”
“I can’t stand the thought that someone’s been in here,” I said.
“I’ve called someone about the locks,” he said. “He’ll be here in a minute. Don’t worry. Do you want me to stay tonight?”
“You’re supposed to be working, aren’t you?”
“I can get out of it. I’ll just have to keep my phone on in case something kicks off, all right?”
I nodded.
Later, hours later, the back door secured with a new lock, Lee was making love to me in my bed, gentle this time, taking it slowly. I was thinking about whoever it was, wondering if he’d been in here, in our bedroom. Wondering what else he’d touched.
He was so tender with me, so loving, that all thoughts of the intruder were dispelled, and I lost myself in the sensations of Lee’s fingers and mouth.
When I finally opened my eyes he was watching my face, a smile on his lips. “You should do that more often,” he murmured.
“Do what?”
“Let go.”
“Lee, don’t go anywhere, will you?”
“I’m staying here. You can sleep if you want to.” He ran his fingers over my temple, down my cheek. “Have you thought about what I asked you?”
I wondered if it was worth pretending not to know what he was talking about. “I’ve thought about it,” I said.
“And?”
I opened my eyes and looked at him sleepily. “Keep asking,” I said. “One day I’ll surprise you and I’ll say yes.”
He smiled, and reached out and stroked my cheek, a