my problem,” Finn shrugs, pushing his chair away from the table. I watch him pull a joint from his pocket and place it between his full lips. “I’m going for a smoke,” he tells us. “Don’t talk about anything important, I don’t like missing the news.”
He leaves us alone, and I turn to Cassian who’s eating his breakfast in silence. I don’t know what to say after Finn’s blurting out about me and Damien having sex, so I fill my glass and drink down a mouthful of the cool, refreshing juice.
“You know,” Cass speaks, “my brother doesn’t really come with a filter, but if you’re going to spend time around us, you’ll get used to it.”
“I just didn’t think he’d talk about…” I wave my hand in the air, unsure of what to say, but Cass shakes his head.
“Don’t worry about that, I know Damien has a thing for you,” he says, shocking me speechless. “He’s away for a couple of days, so you’re going to spend time with me. I’m supposed to teach you the welcome dance that takes place at the ball.”
“Welcome dance?”
“Yeah, it’s all for show. Basically, it’s some form of waltz,” Cassian says, but his focus is on the plate in front of him. He seems so at ease with this, while I’m nervous, and the anxiety that’s slowly twisting in my gut has me on edge.
“I am not great at dancing,” I tell him, honestly.
He stops eating, piercing me with those blueish-green eyes, as he holds onto the silver knife and fork, and grins, before saying, “You haven’t been taught by a Thorne.” Then he continues wolfing down his food.
Guess I’m dancing today.
21
Nesrin
I haven’t needed to touch the box I keep hidden in my bathroom. Damien was right, our night run had given me a feeling of freedom from the anxiety. I can’t describe the lightness in my chest from not being able to think about anything other than making it out of the forest alive and unscathed. Even with the scrapes from the branches, I would do it again.
The moment I step foot into the bedroom, my phone buzzes. When I glance at the screen, my mother’s name glares at me condescendingly. Sighing, I answer, “Hi, Mom.”
“I’ve been waiting for you to respond all morning. It’s almost lunchtime, and I haven’t heard a peep from you.” Her voice is abnormally shrill.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been working with Cassian to learn this stupid dance,” I tell her, but if I had to be honest, I loved it. He’s fun, nothing like Damien, and I enjoyed spending time with him.
“Have you decided on college?” she asks, not bothering to check if I’m okay or what dance I’m talking about. Even if she knew what it was, I would’ve liked her to show interest.
“Not yet, Mother,” I respond, but the annoyance is evident in my voice. I know she’s going to be angry with me, but at this stage, I no longer care.
“I was talking to Bradford, he’s such a lovely man. He suggested you could look at applying to Oxford,” she says, with a squeal in her voice, which is new. My mother’s never been the squeaky type, not like her friends.
“Like… the one in England?” Confusion causes my brows to crease. I wasn’t expecting her to say this, to even suggest me traveling on my own to another country, without her constant advice being whispered in my ear.
“Yes, England. Since Damien will be heading out there to set up the Thorne Corporation in London, you’ll have someone you know to be there for you. Having family close by will be nice.”
Of course, she has no clue to just what Damien is becoming to me because she’s still away. I can’t even explain what he means to me. But the thought of being in another country, away from his dad and my mom, sounds like heaven. Perhaps we’ll be able to find our solace there.
Hope springs in my chest, but I tamp it down immediately. I can’t think about the future with him when I don’t know what he’s thinking.
We haven’t had time alone since that night, but I need to sit him down and talk about feelings. Emotions. The exact things I’ve noticed he doesn’t like talking about.
“I’d like that,” I finally answer, realizing my mother’s probably waiting for me to respond. “I mean, yes, I’ll look at Oxford. Thanks, Mom.”
“Of course.” She’s silent for a moment and for the first time in a long while,