at least at the auto shop, I’d gotten respect for being a good mechanic. The guys in my fraternity might not think I was the brightest bulb in the pack, but they liked me most of the time.
Yeah, other people might think I was as dumb as dog shit, but this was the first time anybody had looked at me like I was the actual poop. The worse part was, they didn’t even seem that mean. They were just smart enough to see what I really was.
The bus pulled up, a few people got off, and several who’d been waiting climbed on. I waited to the last so I didn’t have to sit next to anybody who looked like they were going to Madison. Halfway back, there was a seat open next to an older lady, and I dropped into it. I gave her a nod, then leaned back and closed my eyes. Wish I had some earbuds.
My pulse hammered too hard, and heat kept pushing behind my eyes, so I took a couple deep breaths to try to calm down. I hadn’t slept at all the night before. After I went to bed, I felt so weird that when I heard Sean walk past, I decided to follow him. I’d thought maybe we could have some milk and laugh at how his parents were such nerds, they’d never get a guy like me, but that was okay.
But that hadn’t happened. Instead, I’d heard Sean talking to his folks about a guy they wanted to fix him up with who’d be like him—smart and successful, with awards and shit, and already done with his PhD. They said Sean needed to be with someone worthy of him. I’d meant to walk away, not eavesdrop, but Sean had fought back for a little while, and that made me smile. Go Sean! But then they’d gotten really reasonable, and I kind of knew I was sunk. They talked about how I was the first boyfriend Sean had ever had, and he didn’t have any way to know if he really cared about me since he couldn’t compare.
It made sense. I’d even wondered if I’d rushed back from Hartsboro and asked Sean not to date anybody else because I didn’t want him to be able to compare me to them.
Yeah. Sean hadn’t fought back anymore. As soon as they talked about making an informed choice, I got so upset I was afraid I’d say something, so I hurried back upstairs. The trouble was, I didn’t know for sure what Sean had said, so I lay awake all night wondering. I almost got on my knees and prayed to a god I wasn’t sure was there just to ask him to make Sean choose me. But even then, I knew it was selfish. Because the McKinneys were right: Sean deserved better.
And then on the train it was obvious Sean knew it too.
A tear fell on my hand, and I opened my eyes in shock. My cheeks were soaking wet. Shit! I swiped at them and glanced around to see who was staring.
A warm hand landed on my puffer coat sleeve. “Anything I can help with?”
Startled, I looked at the nice lady next to me. She reminded me of the woman who’d said I could be her therapist anytime when I’d told Sean about changing my program. And that felt like a kick in the chest. “No, no thank you.”
“Girlfriend problems?”
“Boyfriend.”
She sighed. “Ah, I see. Equal opportunity heartbreak.”
That almost made me smile. Almost. “I met his parents, and they didn’t like me.”
“Oh, that’s very hard, especially for men of your age. Parents still have a lot of influence.” She raised her eyebrows. “To say nothing of financial clout.”
“Sean’s got scholarships. He’s a genius.”
“A genius. Interesting.” She nodded.
“Yeah, and I’m not.” It came out sounding really upset, and I took a breath.
She patted my arm kind of absentmindedly. “There are many types of genius.”
I shrugged.
“But if your boyfriend shares the kind of genius his parents have, they could have difficulty seeing your worth.”
I barked a laugh. “That pretty much sums it up.”
“If he’s relied on his parents’ advice most of his life, breaking away from that isn’t the work of a minute. Give him time.”
The bus pulled to the first stop at the campus. It wasn’t the closest to my house, but I didn’t mind the walk. Maybe the cold air would get rid of the red around my eyes. I gathered up my backpack. “Thank you