down his pen. “Who’s the guy?”
I twisted the sheet in my hand. “I’d rather not divulge that information.”
“Ah. Another clue. So, he’s either straight or closeted, right?”
I frowned. “I think he’s straight. But if he was straight, why would he kiss me like that in the first place?”
Dobbs shook his head. “Hate to break it to you, but horniness can make a guy do all sorts of things he later regrets. That’s why you should make it a rule to always, always—” He suddenly stopped speaking and looked at me with wide eyes. “Hedge, are you gay?”
I put on my glasses. I wanted to see his expression clearly. “Yes. I’m gay.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“You never asked,” I pointed out.
He tilted his head and thought about that for a moment. “You’re right. I guess I never thought of you….”
“With anyone at all?” I finished for him.
He grimaced. “Yeah. Sorry. So, um, cool. You’re gay, and this straight guy kissed you.” His face suddenly grew dark. “It’s not one of the A-hoes, is it? From flag football?”
I wanted to say no, but I’d never been a good liar. My cheeks grew hot.
“Hedgehog! Stay away from those guys. That whole house is like one huge freaking closet. Idiots.” He sounded bitter.
“But you’ve been working with PJ and Jesse on Quiz Bowl. I thought you liked Jesse? You went home with him for an entire weekend, and you’ve been getting up early to run with him.”
Dobbs’s mouth went thin. “Okay, first of all, do as I say, not as I do. Hasn’t anyone ever taught you that? And secondly, I do not like Jesse Knox!”
I blinked at him. He sounded excessively defensive. But I knew better than to push Dobbs further. He had a wicked sharp tongue.
“Fine. Thank you for the conversation.” I tossed my glasses back on the nightstand and lay down.
“Look,” Dobbs said in a softer tone, “I know it sucks. And it hurts. Especially when you really like the guy. The best thing to do is to consider it a learning experience and move on. Try to distract yourself. Focus on work or the gym or Quiz Bowl or, I guess, flag or whatever. And be open to meeting someone new. In time, you’ll get over thinking about that guy.”
“I see. Thank you.”
Dobbs muttered something about taking his own advice and left the room.
Dobbs’s words made logical sense. But getting over it was a deeply unsatisfying proposition. My mind wanted to spit out the idea like a piece of driftwood caught in my mental gears.
Before the kiss, I’d never considered Bubba that way. He was an A-hoe and my personal trainer. Yes, I liked that he was so large and muscular. I’d thought him quite attractive and a good person. I even thought of him as a friend. But it had never occurred to me that he might be a potential partner for me.
Now that we’d kissed, however, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
From the first time he stopped to talk to me at that original flag-football practice, I’d found him the most appealing, nicest ALA brother. Unlike the other A-hoes, he’d always been kind to me. And not in a pitying way, as people sometimes did. Not in a Jesus, Sean, you’re such a pathetic dweeb kind of way.
No, Bubba thought I was brilliant. He thought I was funny. I made him laugh. And I loved his laugh. He laughed with his whole being. Joyfully. As if the place it came from inside him was good. Yes, he had some problems and worries. He had self-confidence issues and possibly some learning difficulties. But despite that, he was a genuinely happy human being, and he made others around him happy. He was honest. And genuine. He might say things in a simple way, but his words were always true and always got to the heart of the matter.
Well, except lately, when he was trying too hard to act like we were just bros.
The way he’d felt when he’d kissed me, when he’d pulled me against him…so large and warm and strong and hard. I wanted that. Precisely that. Perhaps I’d discovered my own personal cheesecake. And I didn’t want to settle for liverwurst. Or rutabaga.
Consider it a learning experience, Dobbs had said. And I supposed that advice had merit. After all, I had been kissed and felt the burning-hot sensation of lust—just like the books talked about—for the first time in my life. Someone had found me attractive enough to make