to tap back into the inexplicable strength that has kept her going until now. But there’s nothing left.
Rebecka is dead. The realisation hits her full force and she almost buckles.
‘Minoo?’ she hears Nicolaus say.
‘I think I have to go home.’
Soon after Nicolaus and Anna-Karin have dropped Minoo near her house, it starts to rain, pummelling against the roof of the car as they drive out of the town.
Nicolaus parks at the bus stop and insists on accompanying Anna-Karin quite a way down the track leading to the farm. He’s got a big black umbrella that he holds over them as they squelch through the mud. Anna-Karin tenses, prepared to defend herself if he criticises her again. But he doesn’t say a word.
When they’re almost at the house, he stops. The rain patters on the umbrella and draws out the sweet smell of earth.
‘Anna-Karin, this can’t go on,’ he says. ‘Someone could get hurt.’
He doesn’t look stern, more concerned, like a father who’s worried about his daughter. Anna-Karin doesn’t care what the others think, but she doesn’t want to disappoint Nicolaus.
‘I’ll think about it,’ she promises.
‘Good.’
He pats her shoulder and turns away.
Anna-Karin runs through the rain and stands under the little roof that covers the steps leading to the front door.
She doesn’t want to go inside yet. She watches Nicolaus disappear into the darkness with his umbrella. She knows he’s right. That Minoo’s right. That what she’s doing is dangerous. She’s known it all along. Deep down.
In year nine an ex-junkie had talked to the class. He’d said that when he’d tried the drug for the first time it had felt like coming home. Now Anna-Karin knows what he’d meant. Her power makes her feel intoxicated, high. It fills the enormous void she’s been carrying around with her almost all her life. And now they’re expecting her to give it up.
All right, she decides. It’s not worth the risk. It’s not worth more people dying.
Anna-Karin looks out into the autumn darkness. She feels satisfied with her decision. It feels grown-up.
As soon as I’ve got Jari, she thinks, I’ll stop.
20
MINOO DOESN’T REMEMBER how she got home, just that her mother opened the door and that she almost collapsed on the steps in front of her.
When they helped her to bed she knew she wouldn’t be able to stand up again for a long time. The thought of food made her feel sick. Warm tea and lightly buttered toast are all she can face. Her mother sits on the edge of the bed and tries to get her to talk, but she’s too exhausted to respond, barely has the strength to even look at her. Eventually her mother gives up. Before she leaves, she opens the window to let in some fresh air. Minoo can’t even muster the energy to get up and close it when she starts to feel cold, so her father does it when he comes in. He lingers for a moment at her bedside, mumbles something about how anxious he is about her, that she just has to shout if she needs anything. Minoo shuts her eyes. She wants to be left in peace. She’s too tired even to cry. All night she slips in and out of sleep, and in the morning she feels more drained than ever.
Vanessa rings to tell her they’re holding a minute’s silence at school for Rebecka. Minoo has no intention of going. A minute for a life is insulting.
The rest of the day passes in a blur. Some of the time she’s sleeping. Some of the time she’s awake. It makes little difference. Her father comes home during his lunch break to look in on her and makes her another slice of toast. She can’t manage it all, and flushes the rest down the toilet once he’s gone back to work.
When darkness falls she lets the shadows take over the room. Now she falls into a deep sleep.
They’re standing on the dance floor. The leaves on the trees are glowing an unnatural red. Rebecka is wearing a long white nightgown, identical to the one Ida had on that first night. Minoo is in her underwear, embarrassed because she feels naked.
‘You’re late,’ Rebecka says.
Something is wrong with her face. Something small is moving around under the skin, causing it to bulge and come loose from the muscle wherever it passes.
Rebecka takes a step towards her and Minoo sees the thing start to break through the skin. A little sore appears on Rebecka’s cheek and