and forth in small groups everywhere, falling into each other, talking far too loudly. Anna-Karin can’t get a proper hold on the minds of people under the influence of alcohol and, she suspects, other substances.
The music is deafening. She finishes the beer and crumples the can. Jari takes it and immediately hands her another one. She smiles gratefully.
‘Cheers,’ he says.
‘Cheers.’
The beer cans meet in the air and she tips her head back to let the drink run down her throat. It’s surprisingly easy to get used to the taste.
Anna-Karin is starting to relax. She lets go of her control a little. It doesn’t really matter what anyone here thinks of her, as long as Jari looks at her like that.
She feels quite attractive tonight. She’s wearing a short bright pink dress with silver glitter. It has a low neckline and fits tightly around her breasts while concealing her stomach. Julia and Felicia thought she should choose something that was tight all the way down, but Anna-Karin wasn’t up for that.
Some drunken guy yells, ‘Looks like a pig’s escaped the Christmas slaughter!’ He points at her, and his friends laugh. Anna-Karin feels a familiar stab in her gut. It’s been a long time since anyone has said anything like that to her – she had almost forgotten how much it hurt.
She empties the beer can in silence and wonders about a suitable act of revenge. Jari is still gazing at her with rapt adoration.
Come here. Show them.
Jari throws himself at her. It’s as if he’s been longing for her for a hundred years and can’t contain himself for another second. His lips press against hers. Then she feels the tip of his tongue in her mouth and opening it.
‘Jari, what the fuck, man? Are you serious?’ his friend says.
But Jari doesn’t answer. He grabs Anna-Karin’s neck and pushes himself even harder against her. Her head is spinning while his tongue explores her mouth. She can barely keep up. It’s her first kiss and she feels as if she’s being eaten alive. But at least that guy and his friends have shut up. Now she has to breathe. She pulls away. ‘Could you get me another beer?’ she asks.
Jari opens his eyes and smiles. Gratefully, as if he lives to fetch and carry for Anna-Karin, he trots away to fetch the beer, chilling in the snow outside.
‘Come on,’ someone hisses brusquely, pulling at her elbow.
Vanessa.
Anna-Karin allows herself to be led away. They pass Linnéa, and she follows them into a room where a few lads are sprawled on the floor playing video games. It’s comparatively quiet. They squeeze themselves into a corner of the room, as far from the boys as possible.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ Linnéa asks.
‘We saw your little show in there with Jari. What’s wrong with you?’ Vanessa snaps.
They’re bullying her, forcing her into a corner and yelling accusations at her. Just because she doesn’t do exactly as they want. Do they expect her to go back to being the old Anna-Karin, the one who never dared look anyone in the eye, the one who was always alone?
The throbbing bass line from the music vibrates through the walls of the room. The boys on the floor shout in unison when something explodes on the TV screen.
Vanessa and Linnéa are standing far too close. Anna-Karin doesn’t know if two beers is a lot, she just knows she wants another. Now. ‘Leave me alone,’ she says. ‘I know what I’m doing.’
‘Do you really?’ Linnéa says.
‘I’ve got it under control.’
‘I don’t think you have,’ Linnéa says. ‘You’re getting addicted. And this whole thing with Jari, it’s—’
‘What business is it of yours if I’ve got a boyfriend?!’
‘None,’ Vanessa says. ‘You can have as many boyfriends as you like. Only Jari isn’t your boyfriend. You’ve used your power on him.’
‘Don’t think we don’t understand, Anna-Karin,’ says Linnéa. ‘I know what it is to be an outcast. I know what it’s like to want something you can never have.’
Linnéa’s eyes are oozing syrupy pity. Anna-Karin can almost read her thoughts: Poor Anna-Karin. She’s so ugly and desperate that she has to use magic to get someone to want her. There’s nothing about her that anyone could like. And she might be able to fool everyone else, but we’ll always see her as she really is. The stupid, fat, disgusting, sweaty, flaccid, flabby, awkward, useless, loser hick she’s always been. She puts on a new dress and thinks she’s as good as anyone else. How