way, I find that I want to inhale deeply. “Because if you want the truth, the whole truth, I’ll give it to you. But you’re going to hate me after.” The last sentence is said on a breath of air, nothing more than a whisper.
But I’m so tired. Tired of my revenge scheme. Tired of hiding. Tired of feeling so fucking scared all the damn time. It’s like my body is full of metallic pipes and slowly, almost painstakingly so, someone is taking a wrench to each and every one, allowing the pipes to burst, filling me with disgusting brown water. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I refuse to.
“Tell me.” His eyes flutter shut, and I swear his chest stops moving as he holds his breath.
“You’re right.” The words hurt coming out of my throat. “I’m a witch.”
He doesn’t reopen his eyes when he speaks next. “And at the football game…was that you?” When I don’t respond, he pleads, “Don’t. Lie. To. Me.”
“Yes.”
Romance novels lie. You don’t get the sweaty hands, rapidly beating heart, and weak knees when you’re around the boy you love. You get those when you’re in the midst of breaking said boy’s heart. When you’re about to break your own.
Karsyn exhales noisily, finally stepping back so he can brush at his wet hair. It proves ineffective, the blond strands flopping messily back across his forehead. I brace myself, preparing for his ire, but it never comes. His shoulders droop as he dips his head, staring intently at his dirty tennis shoes.
“I always knew you hated me,” he whispers. “But enough to do that to me?”
I shake wildly, hands clenching and then unclenching by my sides. “You deserve way worse than just a shitty football game, and you know it.”
He opens his mouth as if to protest, likely to remind me that all of his dreams were riding on that game, when he snaps it closed, twisting his head to stare off into the distance. When he finally speaks, it’s not the words I expected. “You’re right.”
“Excuse me?”
“I said, you’re right. I deserved that and much, much worse for what I did to you. The things I said. The fucking dance.” He laughs, but the sound holds no mirth. “That fucking dance. I still think about it, you know. That night.” He pulls his gaze away from the horizon to focus on his hands. They may not be stained with blood, but that doesn’t make them clean. “I planned to apologize the next day, you know? I knew that you probably wouldn’t believe me, but I couldn’t live with this…”
“Guilt?” I supply, but he shakes his head.
“Pain,” he corrects. “I couldn’t live with this pain. I hurt someone I cared about, all in the name of popularity. Looking back, I can barely recognize myself. Like, who was that little fucker? Why did I do what I did? I don’t have an answer to any of those questions, Peony, and that’s what scares me the most. Shouldn’t I have a reason? Don’t most evil people do evil things for evil purposes? Not me. I do evil things just because I fucking want to. Or not even really that. Because I fucking can. And I hate myself. If I would’ve known…”
“I tried to kill myself that night,” I confess, and he blanches, his face turning stark white. “It wasn’t just because of you four, though. It was everything.”
“And then you moved to California?” he surmises, and this time, I’m the one who shakes their head no.
“And then I was placed in a psychiatric facility just north of here.” I snort at the memories. “We talked about emotions and how did that make you feel? No one accepted my answers. They asked those questions, but when I said that I wanted to die, they told me I was wrong.”
“You were,” Karsyn blurts, looking fearful. “Wrong, I mean. This world would be a much shittier place without you in it, Simone.” Up ahead, thunder cackles and lightning sparks across the dreary, gray sky. Karsyn extends a hand towards me as the clouds open up, once more drenching us in a downpour of icy rain. “My house is close by.”
I hesitate, staring at his proffered hand as if I expect it to leave his wrist and crawl across the ground like something out of a horror movie. Karsyn remains standing there, patient despite the incoming storm.
After a tense moment, I place my slippery hand into his and allow him