being sharp, it’s blunt and covered in rust. I’m more likely to die of infection than blood loss, but that only makes the pain more intense. My wounds reopen and ache with the fiery inferno of hell itself.
“I didn’t want to even fake date a guy like that. Especially someone who hurt you.” There’s something near pleading in her cognac brown gaze as she stares at me through her fringe of dark lashes. I know what she wants me to do, wants me to say. But I can’t just kiss her and declare my undying love. Trust me, I wish I could. Everything would be so much easier for me if I could just make myself love someone as simple and kind as Mariabella.
But my stubborn heart conjures up images of four very different men instead.
Mariabella must see the denial in my eyes, for once more, her body deflates like a punctured tire.
“I’m so sorry, Mari,” I whisper, wishing desperately I could change how I felt and whom I was attracted to.
“It’s not your fault.” Her voice is a soft murmur. “You can’t choose who you’re attracted to or who you love. Fuck!” The harsh explicative takes me by surprise, but she’s not looking at me. “I just made things fucking awkward, didn’t I? You know what they say—once you touch boobies, there’s no going back to dick.”
Her words cause me to break into peals of laughter. It feels good to laugh like this. If there’s one thing being here has taught me, it’s that life’s hourglass never stops trickling. You have to cherish these little moments when you can. You have to hold on tightly to the people you care about and never let them go. “There’s not? Well, damn. What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
We giggle softly, and it feels like the Titanic-sized pressure on my chest finally eases.
“Peony,” Mari says suddenly, and I know that the joking mood is over. She pierces me with a stare, the sharp intelligence tempered by her unrelenting kindness. “I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable—”
“You didn’t,” I cut in adamantly. “Not at all. And I’m sorry that I don’t—”
“No reason to apologize.” This time, it’s Mariabella who cuts me off, waving her hand in the air as if she can dismiss my words physically. “But I need to know… Are we good?”
I throw myself on the bench next to her and place my head on her shoulder.
“Super good. I really do love you, you know that, right?” I ask softly. “You’re my best friend.”
“I better be!” she jokes, before instantly turning somber. “And I promise to get over this stupid crush I have on you. Your friendship is too important to me to lose. But…” Her body tenses. “I still hate those asshole pricks, and I’m going to remind them of that every day. And they can’t even do anything to stop me, because hello. Best friend perks.”
Tears well in my eyes, but I twist my face to hide them from her. “I don’t think you have to worry about them anymore.”
All I can do is pray that I’m strong enough to stay away.
Chapter 35
After practice, I feel significantly lighter. Not necessarily happier, but freer, as if the shackles which have held me captive for far too long have finally cracked enough for me to pull my hands free.
But that doesn’t change the fact that I still have my legs tethered to the ground, making every step forward immensely more difficult.
As I begin the familiar trek towards my house, I can’t help but feel a pang in my chest when I don’t spot either Elias’s Jeep or his motorcycle. The pressure only amplifies the farther away from school I get.
Why do I care if he follows me home? I’m leaving. Nothing he says will get me to stay, though…
Thought after thought collides in my head like a twenty-car pile-up. I bring my fingers to my temples and massage the sensitive skin, attempting to alleviate the pressure forming. I’m going to have a massive headache tonight if I don’t get a handle on my emotions. But trying to do that is like trying to wrangle over fifty wild bulls. They refuse to cooperate with me.
As I turn another corner, I can’t help but wonder what Elias is currently thinking. Does he regret what happened? I know he apologized, and I truly believe he was being sincere, but does he even begin to understand what his torment did to