I had a point. ‘It can poison us if we let it, it stops us from finding joy in our present. We’re so in love with our idea of our past, we can’t trust that there are good things waiting for us in the future. And we have to move on. We have to make bold steps and believe in ourselves and in each other. And that’s why I think it’s so amazing that my mum and dad didn’t just want to celebrate all the time they’ve spent together, they wanted to look to the future as well. Today is just as much about celebrating what’s to come as it is toasting to the forty years they’ve been married.’
‘Thank fuck for that,’ Sumi said on an exhale.
‘I’d like to make a toast to all the wonderful things we’ve already experienced together,’ I said, reaching out as Adrian stretched up to hand me a glass of champagne. ‘And to all the amazing things that are still to come.’
Everyone raised their glasses and made happy noises, toasting Mum and Dad with smiles on their faces. I couldn’t help smiling too.
‘Oh and also, we’re doing appetizers now and then food so please get out the way while we rearrange the tables and don’t fill up on snacks,’ I added before turning off the mic and climbing down from the stage.
‘Smashed it,’ Sumi declared, clinking her glass against mine. ‘Ten out of ten.’
‘I think I’m getting better at public speaking,’ I said, my smile growing as I made eye contact with John and he winked.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Everyone was laughing and talking and eating and hugging, the way it should be at a wedding. John was serving up drinks behind the bar, Sumi and Jemima were on the dance floor and Adrian and Eva were sitting beside my sleeping nan, completely oblivious to everything around them and gazing into each other’s eyes, while Nan snored away, head right back, propped up against the wall.
Before anyone could miss me, I slipped downstairs and out the back door of the bar, skirting around the alleyway to watch a busy Saturday afternoon in Borough Market. The sun had gone back in, leaving us with a pale grey sky and, thankfully, tolerable temperatures.
‘Now or never,’ I said to myself, taking out my phone and hitting the call button. ‘Stiffen the sinews and summon the blood.’
She answered immediately.
‘Yes?’
‘Veronica?’ I asked with shaking hands.
‘Ros.’
‘How are you?’
‘What do you want?’ a cigarette-fried voice barked down the line.
Hardly able to believe what I was about to say, I launched into my pitch. ‘I’ve been thinking about what you said,’ I told her. ‘And you’re right.’
‘I’m always right,’ Veronica agreed. ‘What specifically was I right about this time?’
‘About having a podcast of your own,’ I replied, pulling the phone away from my ear at the sound of commotion down the line. ‘Veronica?’
‘Get off the phone, you little arse,’ the agent shrieked, the sound of a teenage boy wheedling in the background. ‘Yes it’s Ros and no, she doesn’t want to talk to you. Let go of my fucking arm.’
I winced as Veronica and Max bickered back and forth, ducking underneath an archway as I felt the first drop of rain fall from the sky.
‘Max wants to know if you’re free to go to the cinema tomorrow and do you want to go ice skating first?’ Veronica asked, a wheeze in her voice. Clearly she had only won the fight on a conditional basis.
‘Tomorrow isn’t great,’ I said slowly. ‘And I’m not much of a skater.’
‘She can’t do tomorrow,’ I heard her yell away from the phone. ‘Great, now he’s crying. What were you saying? A podcast?’
I nodded furiously. ‘Yes, you should have a podcast. Wait, what do you mean he’s crying? Is he all right?’
‘He’s right as a fucking bobbin,’ Veronica replied. ‘Came home from that shitshow yesterday, bounced up and down on his trampoline for three hours then booked the entire family a holiday to Florida. We’re going to Harry Potter world on Tuesday. He wanted to invite you to that too but I said he might be coming on a bit strong.’
‘I like Harry Potter,’ I began before immediately correcting myself. ‘But no, you’re right, bit much. Anyway, sorry, podcast. You should have a podcast. You have a fascinating story and helpful advice and I’ve never met anyone like you. You should have a podcast.’
She considered my suggestion for a moment.
‘At PodPad?’
‘Hmm, no,’ I said. ‘I don’t work at PodPad any more. After