burden of guilt.”
“I’m the oldest. They shouldn’t worry about me.”
“You’re one of the most selfless people I’ve ever met, Lucy Troyer.”
“No. Just someone who was trying to survive.”
“Perhaps more than that?”
“Like I said, Calvin. It is over now. It doesn’t really matter. I just wanted you to know the whole truth about my marriage. About why I don’t speak of him much. And about why I don’t grieve for my husband as much as other widows.”
He took a deep breath. “And now I understand, too, why you acted the way you did outside the train station in Toledo.”
Thinking back to the turn of her thoughts, Lucy wondered how she could have so misjudged him. “All I heard when you yelled was Paul. I wasn’t even thinking that you weren’t out of control, or that you were simply trying to help the horse. All I saw was a man who could get angry.”
“And so you ran.”
“I ran. I wish now that I hadn’t. I wish that I had trusted you more.”
“It’s okay now, don’tcha think?”
“It is okay now.”
As the sun rose above them, and its warm rays heated their skin, Lucy relaxed. At last, Calvin understood. And though he might always have questions about her past, at least now he could understand why she was the way she was. And that was worth much to her.
But there was one more thing that lay between them: Gwen.
“Are you still upset with Gwen and Will?”
“No. We ended up talking, and I talked with Will, too. The Lord was really at work with the three of us, I’ll tell you that. Left to our own devices, we might have all ended up bitter and miserable with each other.”
“What led you to the discussion?”
“You, as a matter of fact.”
“Me?” She couldn’t have been more surprised. “I didn’t do anything.”
“You’re right. You did everything. Lucy, you showed me what it was like to give of yourself instead of take. You helped me understand that sometimes what we want isn’t what we should get. And because of your example, I learned to accept that.” He paused, then blurted, “Lucy, I care about you. I care about you a lot.”
She smiled, feeling like her whole being was glowing from his words. “I feel the same way.”
“Are you sure you can’t stay longer?”
“I wish I could, but I can’t. My parents asked me to help with the little ones so they can go to a wedding. I promised them they could count on me.” Lucy looked at him, silently asking him to give her a reason to stay. Waited for him to offer to visit her.
“All right, then,” he said with a sigh. “I guess we can still write to each other . . .”
“Yes. I’ll write to you often.”
His mouth opened, just like he had something very important to say. But just as quickly, he closed it again.
A moment passed. “Well,” he finally said awkwardly. “I guess we’ll just have to make the most of today, hmm?”
Her heart deflated, but she did her best to try to be positive. They’d had enough dark and sad conversations for a lifetime. “That’s a good plan.”
He held out a hand. “Want to walk a bit more?”
“Sure.”
But instead of taking her hand, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pressed his lips to her brow. Helping her feel at peace. And very, very cherished.
Later that afternoon, when they were just steps from Mattie’s house, Calvin pulled her into a fierce embrace. “I’m going to miss you,” he murmured. “I’m going to miss you very much.”
Closing her eyes, Lucy leaned into him. With all her heart, she hoped she would never forget this moment. Never forget feeling treasured and wanted and cared for.
For about the twentieth time that night, Lucy glanced at the clock ticking too loudly on Mattie’s dresser. It was after nine now. Late.
In less than an hour, John Weaver would be by. He’d very kindly offered to drive her to the train station so she could stay as long as possible with Mattie.
Wearily, Lucy brushed a cool cloth over Mattie’s brow and continued to pray for her cousin. Mattie flinched from the compress but otherwise lay motionless.
Lucy closed her eyes and willed the tears not to fall. Crying wouldn’t help anything, and would only upset Mattie.
But, oh, it was hard.
“I’m so tired of being this way, Lucy,” Mattie said after a while. “I’m so tired of being so weak.”
“I know.” Hoping she sounded more optimistic than she felt, Lucy