insides relax, glad to be understood. “Jah. Paul was a handsome man, and very personable. My family enjoyed his company. It seemed like an easy choice.”
Gwen paused. “So you two were happy?”
Lucy closed her eyes as she tried to recall her feelings for the man who ultimately did so much to harm her. “No. No, we were not.”
Then, remembering that God was right beside her, Lucy forced herself to continue. “Gwen, I had a child’s view of love and marriage. I imagined that Paul and I would somehow have a houseful of kinner, and that in many ways we would have separate lives. He would go to work at the ironworks, and I would stay home and raise the children.”
“But that didn’t happen?”
“Oh, nothing happened like I imagined. Living with someone is a difficult thing, Gwen. Even in the best of relationships, each person must compromise and give and take. But Paul wasn’t like that. He liked always being right.” She paused, trying to come up with the correct words, but there really weren’t any. “Paul liked being in charge, and he was angry and hurtful . . . and he liked hurting me.”
Gwen paled. “What did your family do?”
“Nothing.”
“But—”
“I hid a lot of my problems. After all, there was nothing they could do. I was Paul’s wife. I’d spoken vows and I promised I would honor and obey him.” In spite of the gravity of the conversation, Lucy smiled. “This is what I’m trying to tell you, Gwen. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter what everyone else thinks you should do, or wants you to do. If you marry the wrong person, you, and you alone, will have to deal with the consequences, in every way possible.”
“Are you saying you think I shouldn’t want to marry Will?”
“I’m not saying that at all. I don’t know you or Will. I’m no judge.” She swallowed, prayed for the Lord to help her with her words. To help her find the right words. “But, Gwen, I found out the hard way that marrying Paul in order to help my family didn’t end up helping them at all. My parents knew I was unhappy and felt guilty. My siblings knew I had married in order to help them and they felt a lot of grief, too.”
“What happened to Paul?”
“One evening, he slipped on a ladder and fell.” Just in time, she closed her mouth. The last thing she wanted to do was to admit her guilt. To admit that she should have checked on him far earlier than she did.
“And then you were free.”
“I was free of his hurtful ways, but not of the consequences,” Lucy corrected. “The truth is, the two years I spent married to him changed me. It changed who I once was. And now I can never go back.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Making a mistake that I can never go back from?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps no one knows except you and Will and God.” She shrugged, wishing she had a better ability to speak about what was in her heart. “I guess I’m just trying to tell you that I have learned that nothing is a simple, singular choice. Our lives are intertwined with each other, like the honeysuckle vines growing on the fence outside. Everything we do affects so many other people, for better or worse. So, perhaps, it is better to live life a little too cautiously than in a headstrong fashion.”
In a deliberate manner, Gwen carefully scooped the orange sections into the glass bowl in between them, then rinsed off her knife.
Lucy sliced strawberries and waited. Giving Gwen time to reflect on what she said.
After drying her hands with a dish towel, Gwen faced her. “I want to thank you for telling me about your marriage. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”
“It wasn’t.”
“You’ve given me a lot to think about.” She raised her eyes to the ceiling in a winsome way. “I think I, too, have been guilty of not thinking about what a marriage would truly be like. Instead, I’ve only been thinking of making my mother’s and sister’s lives easier.”
“I didn’t mean to change your mind . . . just to make you realize that there are always consequences.”
“I understand.” She sighed. “Now I want to leave with something for you to think about.”
“Yes?”
“In all the time Calvin and I were sweethearts, he never once looked at me the way I’ve seen him look at you.”
Stunned,