her, but it’s so fucking complicated, and I don’t know how to explain to her how I turned out to be the villain in my own origin story. The one thing I can do is be honest with her. “I’m not sure.”
Her phone starts playing the Superman theme song. She tugs her hand out of mine. “It’s Lewis. I better take it.”
She hurries away to take her call.
I’m not sure how I feel about Ryder marrying Jessa or the fact that for some reason which I cannot fathom, I’m expected to be there. What I do know is I have no illusion of feelings when it comes to Jessa.
“Now, where were we?” she asks as she joins me again, but she’s nose deep in her phone, checking out something on the screen.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes. Of course. Just let me…” She starts tapping out a text. “One second.”
“What’s going on?”
“The chandeliers have finally arrived.” She drops her phone in her bag. “And I’m dying to see them in person.”
“Well, let’s get over there then.” I take her hand and kiss her knuckles. I love how enthusiastic she is about her work. The rest of our conversation can wait. At least for now. Sooner or later I’ll have to tell her all my sins, but for now I just want to revel in the way she makes me feel. Unbelievably happy. Like I could spend the rest of my life with her. If she’ll let me.
Chapter Twenty
Lily
Violet Queen: I’m liking the new sound effect. Much cuter.
Cap’N Crunch: Really? Five star cute or…
Violet Queen: Are you flirting with me?
Violet Queen: You know that was a joke right? A bad one at that.
Cap’N Crunch: I know. It’s funny. Actually you and the girl I’m seeing have very similar senses of humor. It’s sort of weird.
Violet Queen: Is that supposed to be a compliment?
Cap’N Crunch: Yeah. Sure. I mean I adore her humor, so…
Violet Queen: So tell me about your girlfriend.
Cap’N Crunch: Is it okay to call someone your girlfriend without permission? I feel like that might be breaking some code of gentlemanly stalking.
Violet Queen: Does she like that? You stalking her?
Cap’N Crunch: Why don’t you ask her?
Violet Queen: Give me her number and I will.
Cap’N Crunch: I don’t think so. How’s your boyfriend?
“It sounds like a real snog fest in here,” Lewis says, dropping onto the sofa beside me and imitating the kissing sound my phone is making. He picks up the remote and flicks through the channels. “I don’t know why you and the Captain decided against meeting up. It sounds like you have a lot to talk about.”
“I’m seeing Vale. You know that.” I put my phone face down on the couch.
How do I answer the captain’s question? I don’t know if Vale’s my boyfriend. I might have accidentally slipped and told him I loved him but managed to cover it up by pretending I was talking to my sandwich. Of course, that was right before he admitted he might still be hung up on his ex from a million years ago. Okay, he didn’t exactly come out and say I’m still in love with Jessa. Or that he was jealous of his brother. But it was almost worse to hear how uncertain he is about his feelings. Because that means they exist in some form. I just don’t know what they mean when it comes to us.
We’re happy, right? I think we are. At least I do when we’re together. But what if I’m just the stand in? A great distraction? What if our relationship is less about mutual attraction and growing emotions and more about him attempting to get over Jessa? Ugh, I hate to be that girl, but her name makes me want to scrape my tongue clean with my toothbrush.
“And yet you’re talking to some random guy on an app.”
“Because we’re friends,” I say. “We have mutual situations in common. He’s the one who encouraged me not to give up on Vale. You’re the one that signed me up to review this app in the first place.”
“Okay, okay.” He holds his hands up in surrender. “If you say so.”
“I am saying so. Cap’N Crunch and I are just friends,” I insist. “Vale and I have been dating for a month. When are you going to accept it?”
“If you’re happy, I’m happy for you.” He shucks his shoes and props his gross, socked feet on the coffee table. “I’m worried too. You’ve admitted yourself that he’s not the commitment type.