a ridiculous crush on a guy with no qualms about women except for when it comes to me. Can I get any more blessed?
Violet Queen: Brother. But it comes from a good place.
Cap’N Crunch: Ah, I get you. I have a best friend who is like that about his sister. So what’s bro’s problem? Thinks you’re still a kid? Worries you’ll steal his friends or something?
He hits a little too close to home. Although in the words of Elle Woods, like it’s hard. Especially when talking about older brothers. I don’t expect that I’m the first girl with this problem. Or the last.
Violet Queen: Anyway, let’s not have this conversation and say we did.
Cap’N Crunch: What conversation?
Violet Queen: The one about my brother.
Cap’N Crunch: I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re referring to.
Violet Queen: I see what you did there.
Cap’N Crunch: So you want to meet? Like a date?
I chew the inside of my cheek some more. Settle on flippant. I’m not sure how we ended up back at the original topic. Has he changed his mind, or is he trying to feel out what I’m thinking?
Violet Queen: Well, it is a dating app.
Which is the whole point really. Meet someone to date. Forget about Vale. With Cap’N Crunch I could see myself possibly enjoying the process. We get along like we’re old friends.
Cap’N Crunch: I feel like I need to be upfront with you.
Uh-oh. That can’t be good. I’m on the edge of the sofa as I type out my response.
Violet Queen: Go on.
Cap’N Crunch: I’m not the kind of guy you want to date.
What is with everyone saying that? First Vale says he’s not the kind of man I should be into. And then this guy. But whatever, it’s not like I am into him. We connect in a totally chill, totally fun way. Like Vale and I used to before…
Violet Queen: Out of curiosity. What makes you say that?
Cap’N Crunch: Too many reasons.
Violet Queen: Sounds ominous. Perhaps you should list them? Should I even be talking to you at all? Are you a serial killer, per chance, good sir? A pervert? A dictator? A dick pic smuggling pirate of ye olde booty? Or should it be bounty?
Cap’N Crunch: A perverted pirate?
Violet Queen: Aye matey, are you in search of a queenly wench to plunder?
Ohmygawd, this is stupid. What are these random words flowing from the tips of my fingers? “When did I start speaking pirate?”
Cap’N Crunch: No, I’m not a pirate.
Cap’N Crunch: Or a serial killer.
Violet Queen: So you’re a pervert?
Cap’N Crunch: We all can’t be perfect.
Violet Queen: Right, some of us have to be perverts.
Cap’N Crunch: Seems that way.
It’s like every message takes me further into the abyss of awkward and embarrassing thoughts I can’t help but share. My face is burning and yet I type out another message. If Hud was here, he’d probably tell me to think before I tap. Too late.
Violet Queen: So what’s your fetish?
Oh shit. I really should have thought that one through. Did I really ask the guy what his fetish is? What if it’s feet? What if he asks me to send him a picture of my toes? I haven’t had a pedicure in weeks. The sky blue paint on my big toe is chipped.
What if it’s sticking Crunch Berries in places breakfast cereal has no business being? I side eye the box beside me; a few pieces of cereal having escaped onto the sofa when it tipped over. I pick one up and shove it in my mouth. Chew nervously while I wait for his reply to pop onto my device.
Cap’N Crunch: Unattainable women.
Oh, well, that’s a relief. I knew I felt a connection with him. Just not the kind where you date. Because he and I are in the same boat. On a river no one wants to be on. Going in the wrong direction. Without a paddle.
Violet Queen: Oh, you’re one of us.
Chapter Twelve
Vale
“You’re one of us.” What does that mean?
Cap’N Crunch: I’m going to need you to explain your last comment.
“Everything all right?” Hud thumps his thumb against one of the buttons on his controller and his character kicks a soccer ball across the screen. It’s a rare night that we both have off from Line ‘Em Up and we’re hanging out before I leave for L.A. in the morning.
I swear he believes I’m having a breakdown. I probably am. That’s the only thing that makes sense given my behavior recently. I’ve sent a ridiculous