you spending your hard-earned money to see me speak and support what I do. But remember supporting me means that I’m able to bring you even more content and more products to help unlock that inner alpha you have inside of you, and today is no different. A lot of you know about my new line of products that are debuting today, right? Good. I’ve got some amazing things that’ll take your alpha skills to the next level, but first I need to say a few things. . .” He takes a deep breath.
“I’ve gotten some emails, DM’s, and even in person questions today regarding the monetary situation with my YouTube videos.” Monetary situation? What is he talking about? “For those who aren’t aware, for weeks and weeks now I’ve been getting notifications from YouTube that many of my videos are being demonetized due to several complaints. Those videos are some of my most popular, which is hitting me right here in the old pocket, but not to worry, the channel isn’t going anywhere. Those videos are still there for you to see, take advice from, and learn to unlock your inner alpha. I just won’t get paid for it.”
Everyone starts laughing except me. I know how much money he makes from his videos, and I can’t believe some of them got demonetized. What happened? I guess I’d actually have to talk to him to find that out, huh?
“But seriously, don’t worry, the channel is alive and well. I’m uploading videos at my normal rate of two per week, and that’s not going to change. I’m in the process of working with YouTube to fix what I believe was a hatchet job by a disgruntled fan. Some of you may know what I’m talking about.”
Boos fill the room. I wonder who he could be. . . oh, wait. No. It can’t be, can it?
“That’s right. That’s right. Now, I don’t want to slander anyone by name, because she’ll probably just get her other crazies to band together and report even more of my videos, but we all know who I’m referring to.”
Yup. I do now. My blood starts boiling just thinking about her. I want to get up and leave as soon as possible, but I force my butt to stay in this super uncomfortable folding chair to listen to everything he has to say.
“Needless to say, this whole thing is bullshit. Unlocking Your Inner Alpha is not anti woman, has not violated any community standards, and God willing with your help, we’ll continue to be one of the biggest male influencer channels on the platform.”
Cheers again, all at once. He really is like a hot cult leader. I’m waiting for his assistant to bring out the little cups of Kool-Aid.
“Now, I have big things to debut for you today, but. . .” He stops and the whole room just stares at him while he stands there in silence for a good ten seconds. “You know, I hadn’t planned on getting into this, but. . . do you want to hear what really happened?”
I do. I really do.
“She-Who-Shall-Remain-Nameless had the audacity to show up at my fucking place!”
The crowd erupts into shouts of “What?” over and over again.
Meanwhile I’m seeing red.
“That’s right. She showed up at my place, despite the goddamn—and this may be news to some of you—restraining order that I had placed against her a long time ago. I see some familiar faces in the crowd, and if you’ve come to enough of my events over the past few years you know why I went to court to deal with this individual. And despite that—despite the threat to her personal freedom, she showed up at my place, and I let her in only because she was causing a scene in the hallway of my apartment building. That was my bad. I should have let her act crazy and just called the cops, but I panicked, and I’m not afraid to admit that to all of you. As such, I made the mistake of pulling her in, until the coast was clear of my neighbors and their children, then I asked her to leave again—I threatened her with legal action so she would leave, and guess what?”
“She didn’t?” someone yells.
“That’s right. Of course not. But the worst part is about to come. Get yourself ready boys because this is an important lesson. Not only did the woman not leave, she did the unthinkable. She grabbed me by the shoulders