names that I can give you.”
“Nah, Sabina is like my sister. Plus, she’s curious about our world. She’s a blogger.”
“You said blog? B, not V, right?” I nod. “Huh.”
“What?”
“I didn’t think too many people still did that. Does she make any money?”
“No, Conor. She’s a girl in her early 20’s working at Starbucks with a few thousand subscribers. But she is a great story teller. You’re going to know her name one day, I’m telling you.”
“If you say she’ll be big, I believe you. But what did you do with the new assistant?”
“Oh. We made an extra special video.”
“I don’t know what that means, but I’m really enjoying the look on your face.”
“You wanna see?”
“You have it with you?”
“Unedited. If you have, like, twenty minutes to spare.”
He smiles. “For you, I have all the time in the world. Let’s see it.”
“Careful what you wish for there, stud. Sure you can handle it?”
“I can handle anything you have to offer there. I am the pack leader, remember?”
I give a little bay at the moon and his whole expression changes. “Oh,” I say. “Too soon? Sorry.”
I screen mirror my phone to his TV, and laugh a little on the inside.
Shoshana
Vlog 109–Sexy Boyfriend Designer
“He’d have to go down south pretty often.”
“What’s going on, ladies (and the occasional gentlemen)? This is your favorite Boyfriend Designer, Shoshana, coming at you today with a special episode and a special guest to boot. Let’s start with our special guest. Okay, well, you can’t actually see our special guest because she’s also filming this episode. Say hi, Sabina.”
“Hi Sabina!” She says, turning the camera on herself.
“Perfect. Now, as some of you know, it’s time for our special Sexy Boyfriend Designer episode. If you’re new to the channel, those are the episodes where instead of our normal questions about the perfect boyfriend, we ask sexy questions instead. But first, we need to find some ladies who are willing to talk. Excuse me, Ms.?”
“Hi.”
“Hi there. I’m Shoshana from the YouTube channel The Boyfriend. . .”
“The Boyfriend Designer! OMG, I love that channel. I can’t believe it’s really you!”
“It’s really me. You can touch me if you like, just to make sure.” She reaches out and rubs my shoulder. “See. All Shoshana. And this is my special guest, Sabina.”
“Hi.”
“Now,” I say, “since you know the channel, you know our special once a month episode called. . .”
“Holy crap, am I going to be on Sexy Boyfriend Designer?”
“Only if you want to be.”
“Oh my God, of course I want to be. This is so amazing!”
“Your wish is my command. I know you know how this works, but for those out there who don’t, my woman on the street—and in this case that’s?”
“Callie.”
“Callie is going to help me construct her perfect boyfriend—only in this episode we’re not worried about his height, or build, or how much money he makes. Callie’s going to describe her perfect man in the bedroom. I’m going to give her 3 different fill-in-the-blank expressions about how her perfect guy would behave in the bedroom. She has to fill in those blanks honestly. And, as always, I want you to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—make sure to keep it as dirty as possible, please.” I smile. “Okay, Callie, are you ready?”
“This is so exciting!”
“I’ll take that as a big yes. Okay, here are your prompts. Your questions to answer are: A.) My perfect boyfriend would do ________ in the bedroom. B.) I would let my perfect boyfriend do __________ to me, even though I’m not normally into that. And C.) I’d have to break up with my perfect boyfriend if he wanted to _____________. Are you ready Callie?”
“Ready.”
“Okay. A.) My perfect boyfriend would do ______ in the bedroom?”
“He’d have to go down south pretty often, if you know what I mean.” Oh wow. And I’m pretty sure everyone knows what you mean.
“Okay, good. B.) I would let my perfect boyfriend do __________ to me, even though I’m not normally into that.”
“Butt stuff. Like, any of it. Whatever he wanted to do.” Go, Callie.
“Butt stuff it is. And finally, C.) I’d have to break up with my perfect boyfriend if he wanted to ___________.”
“Be in an open relationship. I’m not into sharing.”
“No swinger parties for Callie. Got it. Thanks so much for playing.”
Conor and I watch the rest of the video together and I peep a huge smile on his face as he’s watching. “It’s funny right?”
“It’s very funny, and very interesting.”
Huh. “Why interesting? I thought my