and I'm a little scared. I don't know what I'm doing either. Hell, Jody, you might have AIDS now, we don't know."
"I don't have AIDS. I know I don't."
"How do you know? It's not like we can send you down to the clinic to test you or anything."
"I know it, Tommy. I could feel it if I did. Except for sunlight and food, I'm not even allergic to anything anymore. Hand lotions and soaps I couldn't get near before without breaking into a rash don't affect me. I've done a few experiments of my own. My body won't let anything hurt me. I'm safe. Besides..." Jody paused and grinned, waiting for him to ask.
"Besides what?"
"He was wearing a condom."
Tommy resumed staring at his shoes, said nothing, then looked up at her and laughed. "That's incredibly sick, Jody."
She nodded and laughed.
"I love you," he said, moving to her and taking her in his arms.
"Me too," she said, hugging him back.
"That's really sick, you know that?"
"Yep," she said. "Tommy, I don't want to break this beautiful moment, but I have to take a shower." She kissed him and pushed him away gently, then headed into the bathroom.
"Uh, Jody," he called after her, "I got a present for you in Chinatown today."
There's an explanation for this, she thought, standing in the bathroom, looking at the turtles. There is a perfectly good reason why there are two huge snapping turtles in my tub.
"Do you like them?" Tommy was standing in the doorway behind her.
"These are for me, then?" She tried to smile. She really did.
"Yeah, Simon helped me get them home. I didn't think I could carry them on the bus. Aren't they great?"
Jody looked in the tub again. The turtles were trying to crawl on top of each other. Their claws screeched on the porcelain when they moved.
"I don't know what to say," Jody said.
"I thought that we could feed them fish and stuff, and you'd have a blood supply right here at home. Besides me, I mean."
She turned and regarded Tommy. Yes, he was serious. He was really serious. "You haven't..."
"Their names are Scott and Zelda. Zelda is missing a toe on her back foot. That's how you tell them apart. Do you like them? You seem a little reticent."
A little, she thought. You couldn't have brought me flowers or jewelry, like most guys. You had to say it with reptiles. "I don't suppose there's any chance that you saved the receipt?"
Tommy's face avalanched into disappointment. "You don't like them."
"No, they're fine. But, I really wanted to take a shower. I'm not sure I want to be naked in front of them."
"Oh," Tommy said, brightening. "I'll take them into the living room."
He pulled a towel off the rod and began maneuvering over the tub, trying to get a drop on Zelda. "You have to be careful; they can take off a finger in those jaws."
"I see," Jody said. But she didn't see at all. The idea of biting one of the spiny creatures in the tub gave her an industrial-size case of the creeps.
Tommy lunged and came up with Zelda, wrapped in swaddling clothes and snapping at his face. "She hates being picked up." Zelda's claws tore at the towel and Tommy's shirt as she attempted to swim through midair. He set the turtle on her back on the bathroom floor and readied the towel to lunge into the tub for Scott. "Lestat can call animals to him when he's hungry. Maybe you can train them."
"Stop it with the Lestat stuff, Tommy. I'm not sucking turtles."
He turned to her and slipped, falling into the tub. Scott snapped, barely missing Tommy's arm, and latched on to the sleeve of his denim shirt. "I'm okay. I'm okay. He didn't get me."
Jody pulled him from the tub. Scott was still attached to his sleeve and was determined not to let go.
Turtles hate heights. They don't even like being a few feet off the ground. It's the main reason they have resisted evolution for so long - fear of heights. Turtle thinking goes thus: Sure, first our scales turn into feathers and the next thing you know we're flying and chirping and perching on trees. We've seen it happen. Thanks, but we're staying right here in the mud where we belong. You're not going to see us flying full-tilt boogie into a sliding glass door.
Scott was not letting go of the sleeve, not as long as Tommy was standing. "Help me," Tommy said. "Pry