the resting place of Rhymer, Lord of the Undead! And for that, woman, you will pay with your life!”
“Oh yeah?” I sneer. “Buddy, I knew Dracula—and, believe me, you ain’t him!”
One moment I’m halfway across the room, the next I’m standing over him, his blood dripping from my knuckles as he lies on the basement floor, wiping at his gushing mouth and nose. A set of dentures, complete with fangs, lies on the floor beside him. I nudge the upper plate with the toe of my boot, shaking my head in disgust.
“Just what I thought: falsies! And the eyes are contact lenses, right? I bet the nails are shaped acrylics, too …”
Rhymer tries to scuttle away from me like a crab, but he’s much too slow. I grab him by the ruff of his poet’s shirt, pulling him to his feet with one quick motion that causes him to yelp like a whipped dog.
“What the fuck are you playing at here?” I snap. “What kind of scam are you running on those Goth kids?”
Rhymer opens his mouth and although his lips are moving there’s no sound coming out. At first I think he’s so scared he’s not able to speak—then I realize he’s a serious stutterer when he’s not a vampire. “I’m n-not a c-con man, if that’s what y-you’re thinking. I’m n-not doing it for m-money!”
“If it’s not for cash—then why bother?” Not that I didn’t know his motivation from the moment I first laid eyes on him. But I want to hear it from his own lips before I make my decision.
“All m-my life I’ve b-been an outsider. N-no one ever p-paid any attention to m-me. N-not even m-my own p-parents. N-no one ever t-took me seriously. I was a j-joke and everyone k-knew it. The only p-place where I could escape from b-being m-me was at the movies. I really admired the v-vampires in the m-movies. They were d-different, too. But n-no one m-made fun of them or ignored them. They were p-powerful and p-people were afraid of them. They c-could m-make w-women do wh-whatever they w-wanted.
“Wh-when my p-parents died, they left m-me a lot of m-money. So m-much I’d n-never have to w-work again. An hour after their fu-funeral I w-went to a dentist and had all m-my upper teeth removed and the d-dentures m-made.
“I always w-wanted to be a v-vampire—and now c-could to live m-my d-dreams. So I b-bought this old church and s-started hanging out at the R-red Raven, looking for the right type of g-girls.
“T-Tanith was the first. Th-then came S-sable. The rest w-was easy. They w-wanted m-me to b-be real so b-badly, I didn’t even have to p-pretend that m-much. B-but then it started to g-get out of hand. They w-wanted m-me t-to—you know—p-put my t-thing in them. So I f-found S-serge. I like to w-watch.” Rhymer fixed one of his rapidly blackening eyes on me. His fear was beginning to give way to curiosity. “B-but wh-what difference is any of this to y-you? Are y-you related to one of the g-girls? S-serge’s ex-g-girlfriend?”
I can’t help but laugh as I let go of him. He flinches at the sound of my laughter as if it was a physical blow. “I knew there was something fishy going on when I spotted the belt buckle on your Goth stud. No dead boy would allow that chunk of silver within a half-mile of his person. And all that hocus-pocus with the smoke and the Black Sabbath folderol? It’s a rank amateur’s impression of what vampires and vampirism is all about, cobbled together from Hammer films and Anton Levy paperbacks! You really are a pathetic little twisted piece of crap, Rhymer—or whatever the hell your real name is! You surround yourself with the icons of darkness and play at damnation—but you don’t even recognize the real thing when it steps forward and bloodies your fuckin’ nose!”
Rhymer’s eyes suddenly widen and he gasps aloud, like a man who has walked into a room and seen someone he has believed long dead reading the newspaper. Clearly overcome, he drops to his knees, his blood-stained lips quivering uncontrollably.
“You’re real!”
“Get up,” I growl, flashing a glimpse of fang.
But instead of inspiring fear, all this does is cause him to cry out even louder than before. He is now actually groveling, pawing at my boots as he blubbers. “At last! I k-knew if I w-waited long enough, one of y-you w-would finally come!”
“I said get up, you little toadeater!” I kick