be upset when you hear where.”
“Most likely.”
I peeked up at her. “The Red Pearl.”
Her eyes widened to the size of the saucers scattered across the trolley between us. “Are you serious?”
I nodded.
“I can’t…” She appeared to take a deep breath. “How?”
“I borrowed one of the maid’s cloaks, and I used that mask I found.”
“You…you devious little thief.”
“I returned the cloak this morning, so I don’t think you can call me a thief.”
“Who cares if you returned it.” She tipped forward. “What was it like?”
“Interesting,” I said, and when she begged for more details, I told her what I’d seen. She was enthralled, hanging on every word I said as if I were sharing with her the actual ritual that completed the Ascension.
“I can’t believe you didn’t take me with you.” She fell back in her chair with a pout, but then sprang forward once more. “Did you see anyone there you recognized? Loren claims she goes there nearly every other evening.”
Loren, another Lady in Wait, claimed many things. “I didn’t see her, but…” I trailed off, unsure if I should tell her about Hawke.
I’d left no more than ten minutes after Hawke had, relieved to find that Vikter was also nowhere to be seen. Neither was the strange woman who knew more than she should. I’d done everything in my power not to think about what had happened in that room with him.
Which meant, I failed the moment I returned to my bed. I’d lain there until exhaustion claimed me, replaying everything he’d said…everything he’d done. I’d woken with the strangest frustration, an ache in my chest and lower belly.
“But what?” she asked.
I wanted to tell her. Gods, did I ever want to share what’d happened with Hawke with someone. I had a hundred questions bursting to be let out, but last night was different. I’d crossed a big line, and while I didn’t feel like I had debased myself or done anything truly wrong, I knew that my guardians wouldn’t agree. Neither would the Priests and Priestesses. Going to the Red Pearl was one thing. Sharing myself in any form with another was a totally different matter. That knowledge could be a weapon.
I trusted Tawny, but as I acknowledged before, only to a certain degree.
And even though the mere thought of Hawke made my stomach tighten into dozens of little coils, it wasn’t something that would ever happen again. When I saw him during the City Council sessions, he wouldn’t know that it had been me he’d called Princess. He’d have no idea that he’d been my first kiss.
What we’d done…it belonged to just me.
It had to stay that way.
I exhaled slowly, ignoring the sudden scratchy lump in my throat. “But many were wearing masks. She could’ve been there, and I wouldn’t have known. Anyone could’ve been.”
“If you ever go to the Red Pearl without me again, I will cut holes in the bottoms of your shoes,” she warned, toying with the white beads dotting the neckline of her rose-colored gown.
A shocked laugh left me. “Wow.”
She giggled.
“Honestly, I’m glad you didn’t go with me.” When she frowned, I quickly added, “I really shouldn’t have gone there myself.”
“Yes, going to the Red Pearl is forbidden, and I’m sure it’s as forbidden as you being trained to use a dagger or a sword as a guard on the Rise.”
That was something I hadn’t been able to hide from Tawny, and she had never shared, which was one of the reasons I knew I could trust her with most things. “Yes, but—”
“Just like that one time you snuck out to view a fighting ring. Or when you convinced me to bathe in the lake—”
“That was your idea,” I corrected, and her willingness to aid me in doing forbidden things was the other reason she held almost all of my trust. “And it was also your idea to do it without clothing.”
“Who bathes in their clothes?” she asked, widening her eyes innocently. “And that was a mutual idea, thank you very much. I think we should do that again and soon before it gets too cold to even walk outside. But I could spend all morning listing things that you’ve done that are either forbidden by the Duke and Duchess or prohibited for the Maiden to do, and up until now, nothing has happened. The gods haven’t appeared and deemed you unworthy.”
“That’s true,” I acknowledged as I smoothed a crease from the skirt of my gown.
“Of course, it is.” She plucked up a