his thumb almost brushed the undersides of my breasts. All he was doing was rubbing my belly, but it was new and different and it felt like…like more than that. A warm, shivery sensation radiated from his hand.
“I don’t think this is making me relaxed.”
“It would if you’d stop trying to strain your neck.” Suddenly, his head lowered, and his lips touched my cheek. “Lay back down, Poppy.”
I did what he said only because of how close his mouth had been to mine.
“When you listen to me, I think the stars will fall.” He followed me down so he spoke just above my ear. “I wish I could capture this moment somehow.”
“Well, now I want to lift my head again.”
“Why am I not surprised?” The sweep of his touch drifted lower, now below my navel. “But if you did, then you wouldn’t find out what I have planned. And if I know anything about you, it’s that you’re curious.”
An answering warmth bloomed under his hand and spread lower. I sent a nervous glance to the guard. “I…I don’t think this should happen.”
“What is this?” His fingers brushed the band of my breeches, causing me to jerk. “I have a better question for you. Why did you go to the Red Pearl, Poppy? Why did you let me kiss you under the willow?”
I opened my mouth, but his lips brushed the curve of my cheek, stealing my words.
“You were there to live. Isn’t that what you said? You let me pull you into that empty chamber to experience life. You let me kiss you under the willow because you wanted to feel. There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all.” His lips coasted back up my cheek, sending a fine shiver over my skin. “Why can’t tonight be that?”
My eyes closed briefly and then reopened, fixed on the guard.
“Let me show you just a little of what you missed by not coming back to the Red Pearl.”
“The guards,” I whispered, and it wasn’t lost on me that they were my concern. Not the gods. Not the rules. Not what I was.
“No one can see what I’m doing.” His hand moved, slipping down and between my thighs. I gasped as he cupped me through the pants that no longer felt thick at all. “But we know they’re there.”
I could barely breathe around the sharp swirl of sensation that settled low in my stomach and made my chest feel heavy, achy.
“They have no idea what’s going on. No clue that my hand is between the thighs of the Maiden.” His voice was a hot whisper as he pulled me back and pressed against me, causing another puff of air to escape my lips. My rear nestled into the cradle of his hips. He made a deep, rumbling sound that sent a flash of heat through me. “They have no idea that I’m touching you.”
And then he was no longer just palming me. He was touching me, rubbing two of his fingers over the seam of the pants, over the very center of me. A rush of damp heat flooded me. My gaze dropped, and I almost expected to see what he was doing under the blanket.
I saw nothing in the darkness.
But I felt everything.
How did we get here? I couldn’t quite figure it out, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I’d had a taste before of what I was feeling now, and just a tease seemed so unfair. And wasn’t that what living meant? Taking more than a sip here and small bite there. It was all about gulping and swallowing as much as you could.
I wanted to feel as much as I could, especially after feeling nothing but pain and anger for so long. I felt none of that now.
I would be in the capital soon, and it was quite possible that my Ascension would happen sooner than expected. And if I came back from it, I knew beyond a doubt that whoever I ended up with wouldn’t make me feel half of what Hawke always seemed to elicit from me, whether it be irritation and anger, laughter and amusement, or this—this consuming, rippling wave of acute pleasure.
His fingers toyed with the stitching, pushing in just hard enough that I felt the touch all the way to the tips of my toes. Every part of my body became hyperaware.
How did he think this was going to help me sleep?
I was wide-awake now, pulse pounding and heart crashing, and he was touching,