things to do but there was far too much grit and not enough folk in our music to suit their tastes.
“Mark warned us,” Mike called back from the driver's seat. “He said you guys aren't that bad as long as we try to pay attention to the lyrics and ignore the rest.”
I started crying harder. I knew Mark had come to some of our shows and was proud of me, but it meant the world that he was willing to stick up for me to the older two. And it was overwhelming to know that my entire family was going to be in the audience when I walked on stage tonight. Realizing that the entire family wasn't going to be there made me break into a full-on ugly cry complete with hyperventilation. Why couldn't this have been happening sometime in the past so Mom could have seen me too?
“Moo, you gotta calm down,” Mark whispered in my ear. “You know Colton's gonna give you shit if you're crying like a baby.” He was right. It'd be done in good humor but it would be merciless and would go on for years.
“I don't know if I can do this,” I wailed. It was the first time in five years that I couldn't imagine getting myself pumped up and running out on stage. I lived for it. The screaming crowds and heat from the lights fed my soul.
“I know you promised mom but I really can't. They already made changes because I wasn't going to be here,” I said trying to place the focus on business. “I can't just expect them to change it up again.”
Mark pressed his fingers under my chin to keep me from going on. “Maddie, I already talked to Colton. He was surprised when I told him but said he'd take care of everything. Now, can you please promise me you'll go out there and kick some ass tonight? I've seen you do it. Let them see it,” he said pointing at our brothers and father. “Show them that it's all been worth it.”
The sign hanging over the freeway showed that we had four miles to the exit. That meant four minutes on the highway, three minutes on surface streets and however long it took to get through security. That wasn't much time to prepare my straight-laced, closed minded family for what they were going to see.
“Did you tell them that this,” I said pointing to my outfit, “is going away as soon as I step on that bus? I don't need Dad having a heart attack when he sees me on stage tonight.”
My dad turned in his seat, “Moo, I've seen pictures of what you look like on stage. I don't like the outfits and you don't need all that makeup and crap hanging off your face, but it's all worth it for the light in your eyes.”
Another wave of sobs overcame me as we pulled up to the red light at the bottom of the ramp. Matt and Mark rubbed my back trying to assure me it'd be okay.
“Aww, Maddie, don't cry. I'm sorry it took this to get me to come around,” Dad said pinching the bridge of his nose to hold back his own tears. “There's so much I'd do different if I could but I can't. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you and I know your mom was sorry too. We can talk more about that later, just know I'll suffer through whatever crap I have to if it means I get to see you live and in-person.”
I wiped the tears from my eyes as Mike pulled up to the security shack at the back of venue. I needed to get my act together before getting out of the van. If this is what they told Mom they'd do, I didn't really have any choice but to go on stage and put everything I had into every song for her.
“Let's do this. And FYI, anyone calls me Moo while we're here; I'm likely to come unglued. I can't expect you to call me Rain, although I'd prefer that, but Moo is simply unacceptable.”
My declaration was met with snickers from all three of my brothers while Dad tried to remind them to respect my wishes. I shook my head in disbelief that these were the same brothers I'd convinced myself hated me which led to wondering why we couldn't have found a way to get along sooner so we hadn't lost five years