pre-Thanksgiving show was unlike any other. It wasn't in a huge arena; it was a more intimate gathering of about twenty-five hundred fans, most of whom had won tickets from various radio stations in the upper Northwest. Mark and Dale got to town about three hours before the show started and we went to dinner while the guys got ready.
As much as I hated to admit it, Jon was right. I needed the time with my family to make things right with them and they needed some time with me being able to just be Maddie. Over dinner, my dad shared with me that he'd known since before Mom's cancer came back that he wasn't well. Heart disease apparently runs on his side of the family and years of ignoring the warning signs were catching up to him.
When he told me that he'd come to terms with it and been okay with the thought of dying if it meant being with Mom again, I was crushed. Even with as low as I'd found myself in the past, I couldn't imagine being so lost that death would be a better option than living.
As if that wasn't enough to deal with, he then said me coming home was the only reason he went back to the doctor and started taking his medication. He was terrified that, if he didn't, the family that was just coming back together would be shattered if we had to deal with losing him too. It wasn't outside the realm of possibility and I was thankful that he'd noticed that.
Slightly bleary eyed from our emotional dinner with my eyeliner smudged but no longer running down my face after a trip to the ladies room, we made our way down the block for what I prayed was the last Blessed Tragedy concert I wasn't a part of.
Not wanting to cause a scene but now eager to get the full concert experience, we made our way along the side of the stage after the lights went down and joined the front row of fans. Having cut my hair once again so it fell to mid-shoulder and opting for chocolate brown with caramel highlights instead of my usual bright dye jobs, no one immediately noticed me standing along the barricades.
That is, until Colton spotted me. He walked back to Jon, pointing in my direction causing everyone to strain to see what had caused their little confab. With a few quick words to Travis and Jared, Colton made his way back to the front of the stage.
“How's everybody doing tonight?” He asked. It was one of those questions we asked at every show that made me laugh. Just once, I wanted to see what would happen if he asked and the fans started screaming that the show sucked. I didn't want the show to suck, of course, but as a joke to see their reaction would be funny as shit.
Of course, tonight wasn't the night for my twisted sense of humor to kick in and the crowd went wild. Even though it was a smaller crowd than normal, the energy was at max capacity. It was the type of crowd that made you want to stay up on stage and perform every song you ever learned to play, including Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.
“That's what we like to hear,” Colton shouted pumping his fist in the air. “Now, you might have noticed, we're short one very important person up here tonight,” he continued, looking down to me. “Rain's been taking personal time the past month or so and we're happy to announce that very soon, she'll be getting back on stage doing what she does best. But first, there's a little something us guys need to do for her.”
I looked up at Colton, thoroughly confused and more than just a little nervous. He crooked a finger to call me up on stage. When I shook my head, he picked up the mic again. “Okay guys, apparently Rain's a little shy tonight and thinks she can hide out behind her brothers. How about I get a little help coaxing her to get her sweet little ass up here?”
With more than two thousand people chanting my name, Matt picked me up, launching onto the waiting hands of the fans. Every show, I'd watch fans crowd surfing and wondered what it would feel like. It was a rush. A terrifying rush. A rush that left me feeling just a little violated with the places on my