do, God? Please show me. Please, Father. I need you.
He put his head in his hands and wept like a child.
When Daria returned from her parents’ house, Cole was sitting at the telephone in the dark, his back to her.
She went to him and put her hands on his shoulders. Cole’s muscles tensed under her touch, and she took a step back.
“I called Dennis Chastain,” he said to her evenly, not turning around.
“Oh… What did he say?”
“He couldn’t really tell me anything definite.”
She took a deep breath. “Cole, Dad thinks I need to go to Kansas City to talk to Nate in person. Find out how badly he’s injured…” She let her voice trail off, hoping for some indication of how he was receiving this idea.
But he sat there in silence, still refusing to look at her.
“Cole,” she said, attempting to keep her voice steady, “Nate will want to see Natalie. He’ll have to see her—”
He whirled to face her now. “I know that, Daria,” he said tersely. “He’ll have to see you, too. Do you think I don’t know that?”
She was shocked at the venom in his voice, but it gave her a surge of strength. “Cole, stop it!” she said firmly. “I can’t do this if you lash out at me! This is the hardest thing I’ve ever faced. I need your help. I need you to be there for me!”
“You need me to be there for you?” he repeated, finally looking at her. “For what? What exactly are we talking about here, Daria? Are you going back with Nathan?”
She felt as though she’d been slapped. She had barely come to terms with the fact that Nathan was alive, much less the thought of which man was her true husband.
She longed for Cole to take her in his arms, to reassure her that they would work everything out, that this would all soon be over. And yet, a tender place in her heart, a place she thought had died, had been awakened by the amazing miracle of Nate’s return. He was her first love. They had such a deep history together. They had practically grown up together. And then she had abandoned him in the wilds! It terrified her to think what he might have endured during that time. Guilt pierced her soul. Perhaps Nate could never forgive her. Perhaps he wouldn’t want her back even if she were free.
But then there was Natalie. Nate had given her their precious daughter, and even Cole could not deny that Nathan Camfield deserved to know his child. Oh, what a tangled mess! God, how could you do this to us?
The answer poured over her like a flood of icy water. She began to see the truth as if it were projected on the wall in front of her. The dreams she’d had—Nate alive and walking toward her, smiling. The letter from Evangeline Magrit, and the eerie, gnawing feeling it had caused to rise up in her. The strange intuition that had haunted her until she had all but shut God out of her life.
She could not blame God for this dilemma, for she suddenly realized that he had given her warnings, shown her signs. She simply hadn’t listened! Instead she had turned a deaf ear to the warnings, to what she now knew were divine nudgings. And finally, she had silenced them.
Cole looked at her, hurt written plainly on his handsome face. He was still waiting for her answer, her verdict on their future together. “I can’t even think straight about this yet, Cole. I don’t know what Nate will want. I don’t know how he is physically, emotionally. I just don’t know what is going to happen.”
“Well I do know what will happen, Daria. You’ll go to him, as you must. And you’ll stay with him—you and Natalie. You can’t do anything less. All I ask is that you don’t keep Natalie from me. And that I get to be a part of my own child’s life.”
“Cole! What are you talking about? You sound as if it’s all over between us. Please don’t do this! I truly don’t know what will happen. But I need your help. I can’t do this alone. Please, Cole…” She was sobbing now, begging, but her cries seemed to have no effect on him. He had turned aloof and uncaring before her eyes.
He pushed his chair back from the desk, turned away from her, and went down the hall toward their bedroom. She followed