“When Bridgette went into labor, she wanted to stay home as long as possible. Her pregnancy had been an easy one and, after all, I was the great Dr. Hunter.” He spat out a mirthless laugh. “I thought I knew so much, but I didn’t even see the signs. Surely they were there. I should have gotten her to the hospital. They said if we’d come in sooner and gotten her on a monitor they might have discovered that he was…that he was strangling, before it was too late.”
A part of Daria longed to go to him, to put her arms around him and give him her understanding and comfort. But she couldn’t seem to get around the wall of his duplicity, a wall he’d built with his own lies. Why had he kept this from her? This deepest sorrow of his life. And one that had everything to do with Bridgette’s suicide.
She asked him again, “Why, Cole? Why didn’t you tell me?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know, Daria. I meant to tell you. I tried several times, I truly did. But something always interrupted. And then I convinced myself that the time wasn’t right. I loved you so much I couldn’t face losing you. It’s not an excuse, Daria, but it’s the only true thing I can tell you.”
What he had told her—that he’d had an infant son, that he’d lost not only his wife, but a child as well—completely changed the picture she had carried of him.
“Cole, I’m so sorry. But why? Couldn’t you trust me?”
“I don’t know what else to say, Daria.”
“Then neither do I.” She felt dead inside. This evening that should have been the happiest in their lives had taken a macabre turn, had become a nightmare. Suddenly she lashed out, not willing to accept the silence between them now. “Did you think I wouldn’t understand? Did you think I couldn’t empathize with you? What?”
Now he glared at her, returning anger for anger. “If I had been half a husband, Bridgette would be alive today, Daria! Do you understand that? Can’t you see that? Her doctor said she was probably suffering from serious postpartum depression, said that was why she couldn’t seem to get over it. They gave her some medication, but she wouldn’t take it. And I didn’t force her. I hated her weakness. I hated that she couldn’t handle this, that she shut me out. But I should have seen what was happening. I should have realized that my wife needed more help than I was giving her.”
My wife. The words cut into Daria like a knife, but she didn’t have time to dwell on the ache because Cole’s next words brought her to her senses.
“It wasn’t enough that I killed my own son! Bridgette died because I let her die! A blind man should have been able to see that she wasn’t getting any better. But I just kept waiting and waiting, thinking surely tomorrow she would be a little better. And then one day there weren’t any tomorrows left. I think I know in my heart that her death was no accident. And it’s my fault, Daria! Would you have married me knowing that? Would you have trusted me with Natalie? Do you trust me now to help you through this pregnancy?” His voice broke, and his shoulders heaved silently.
“Cole.” She pushed away from the table and went to him, kneeling in front of his chair. “Oh, Cole. It wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have stopped her. And how could you have known about the baby? It wasn’t your fault! None of it! Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
He fell into her arms and wept, and she felt the anger drain from her heart. “Cole, there’s nothing you could tell me that would keep me from loving you. Nothing! We have to be honest with each other. We have to trust each other.”
He sat upright and took her hands in his. “How can you trust me after what I’ve just told you?”
“Cole, you shouldn’t have kept it from me. That was wrong. But it’s in the past now. I think you’re taking blame where it doesn’t belong—”
“Daria, I placed this all before the Lord a long time ago. I know he’s forgiven me, but I’m not sure I can ever forgive myself. No, I didn’t willfully murder my family, but are they any less dead because my mistakes were unintentional? I didn’t deserve to find you. I certainly didn’t