confidence. You have my word. I’m your brother, first.”
I paused to try and think of a way to tell him the news without having to endure his disappointment. He was my brother, but he was still a priest.
“I wanted to tell you this news with the whole family together- all five of us.”
“Four of us.” He loved to correct me.
“No, five of us.”
“Wait. What are you saying?”
“I can’t believe I’m saying it.”
“Julia?”
“God has blessed me with another child.”
“Henry?”
“Yes. I’m not a complete harlot- Henry- who else, you big jerk?”
He sat there quiet, looking straight ahead for a few minutes.
“Say something.”
“I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I’m trying to separate the priest from the brother, which is awfully hard to do. How did this happen?”
“Well… Henry and I…we…kind of…ya know…”
“I don’t mean that, Julia. I’m very well aware of how it physically happened. I mean, how did you let this happen?”
“Honestly Tommy, I didn’t think that this could happen- so soon after Connor. The doctor in Lima said that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant again. I wasn’t thinking.”
“Obviously.”
“You’re telling me.”
He paused again and I was left staring at his face while he stared at Connor’s headstone. I couldn’t take it anymore. He could yell if he wanted to, but he had to say something and put me out of my misery. Tommy’s opinion was the most important to me. I loved Henry, but Tommy had my best interest at heart- always. There was never an ulterior motive. Tommy had no angle. He was just my little brother. When I was finally about to open my mouth, he responded, grabbing my hand in a show of support.
“What’s done is done. A child is a blessing. Have you told Henry?”
“No. I’m not going to either.”
“Yes you are.”
“No. I’m not.”
“He’s the father. He has a right to know.”
“You promised.”
“I won’t tell him. He won’t hear it from me, but you should do the right thing.”
“Did he tell you what our fight was about?”
“No.”
“He asked me to marry him.”
“That’s wonderful. Isn’t it wonderful?”
“No. It’s not wonderful. He promised to make me a priority, but at the first fork in the road, he left me behind again to go solve one of John’s problems. I can’t have a marriage with Henry and our father. I can’t live like that.”
“I understand.”
“Do you really?”
“I really do. Remember, I lived with the invisible dad- still do. I’ll keep your secret, but at some point, I know you’ll do what is necessary and prudent.”
Tommy hugged me and we sat in silence as I cried.
“Why the tears? This is happy news, right?”
“I feel guilty loving this child. Connor still occupies my heart.”
“Give it time, Julia. Connor wouldn’t want you to be distant from this experience. This is his sibling. He’s still the big brother, even if he’s not physically present. He saved your life, you know. The doctor told Henry that you’d probably be dead if it wasn’t for your pregnancy- the knife would have hit a major organ. Honor that fact. Love the child you have now. It’s not an either/or…don’t put conditions on a gift.”
“You’re right. I know you’re right. Maybe once this sinks in, I’ll feel the attachment.”
“You’ve been to the doctor?”
“I go for my first obstetrician appointment tomorrow.”
“I’m coming.”
“Thanks. I could use the company. I’m nervous.”
“Kate doesn’t know?”
“Be serious. I’d expect her to pick the phone up and call Henry within seconds of hearing the news.”
“She would.”
“I know. -Hence the cloak and dagger routine. She thinks that the doctor’s office lost my blood sample and I’m returning tomorrow to be stuck again.”
“I’ll keep your secret, Julia, but I won’t directly lie for you.”
“Agreed.”
“I’m starving. Let’s drive into town and eat some seafood- just the two of us. I have a lot more questions about the Henry situation.”
We had a pleasant dinner together even though I was required to answer question after question about Henry. He made me promise to consider telling him and I told him that I would. I was thrilled to talk about the happenings at his church on the drive home. I was anxious to hear any news that did not involve me.
We returned to a dark house. Kate must have been with Gabe. She had no embarrassment about staying over, despite Tommy being a priest. She’d be the recipient of the moral virtue lecture in the morning. This wasn’t scoring any points for Gabe.
I said my goodnight and decided to take a shower. Memories of Henry’s