had no intention of staying. I had no intention of being hospitable.
“Have a good flight. Thanks for coming and bringing so many mourners- it really made the day seem all about Connor.”
John was visibly aggravated. He made his way to the steps while I took the opportunity to chastise him.
“By the way, how is your son doing…or haven’t you bothered to inquire? Time is ticking away, John. You are in control of most things, but not time. Look at me. Don’t end up like this…full of regret…with a child in the ground who never knew your loving touch or kind words.”
Descending down the stairs, without looking back, he said, “I’ll be in New York.” That was that. He fell out of view. I heard a car door slam in the distance. There had been no great sentiment over my loss. This was classic John.
The house was quiet. The last of the guests had finally made their way to the airport. Everyone had felt so damn sorry for me. Truth be told, they would have left after the final prayer if etiquette had not contradicted their departure. Most were hoping for an Amen, good to see ya, sorry for your loss, and goodbye. Their discomfort began to wear on my nerves. I wasn’t feeling particularly kind. If I had not been so sad, I would have made it a point to talk to each of them as long as I could tolerate, in hopes of prolonging their agony. Broken glass for everyone- stomach it and run. Misery demanded company. Unwilling to participate in my descent to hell, the captives were eventually freed, practically causing a stampede exiting the house once my father disappeared. The only remaining hostages were my brother and Henry.
Henry placed his cell phone back in his pants pocket and walked toward me. “What was that about?” questioning John’s earlier retreat.
“Just saying goodbye- like you wanted.”
“I have to get him on the plane, but I’ll come back…if you want me to…”
“Really?”
“Of course. Give me a few hours.” He looked around before leaning down to kiss my forehead.
Tommy returned with a plate of food and placed it on the table between our rockers. “Are you leaving Henry?” His attention quickly turned to me. “Eat,” he instructed.
“Your sister doesn’t need me hanging around.” Shamefully, Henry was lying to a priest.
“When will we see you again?”
“Definitely Easter. I’ll come hear you say Mass. Kate will be sorry to have missed you.”
“Your sister? How is she?”
“She’s flying here from London tomorrow afternoon on holiday to make mischief with Jewels.”
“Good. She needs the company.”
Henry shook his head in agreement with my brother’s assessment.
“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.”
Tommy smiled. “I could always put off leaving until Kate turns up.”
“Don’t be silly. I’m exhausted. I’ll probably sleep straight through until her arrival. The caterers have stocked enough food to survive a famine. Really, I appreciate the offer, but I need some alone time- some quiet. Please. Feel free to irritate me with phone calls, okay?”
“Can I drop you at the airport, Tommy?” Henry seemed in a hurry to falsify his departure.
“Yeah. Let me grab my bag.” My brother wandered into the house.
Henry knelt down and ran his hands through my hair before they rested on both cheeks. “You’ve been very brave today around these strangers. I don’t buy any of it. You don’t have to be so strong all the time.” He leaned his forehead against mine before standing up in anticipation of seeing Tommy.
From the other room I could hear him. “I’ve left my number at the parish by the phone in the kitchen.” Within seconds he was lifting me out of the rocker and squeezing me. I held him just as tightly.
“Thank you so much for today- for Connor. I love you, Tommy. I’m sorry if I was harsh.”
“Don’t think of it again. I love you too. I’ll try to give you some space, but check in with me from time to time so I don’t worry. Will you do that?”
I broke his hold and gave him an obedient smile. “I promise.” He threw me a skeptical look which I passed on to Henry. “Seriously, some of us can’t lie to a priest.”
He smiled and then they were gone. I was alone for the first time in weeks with nothing to do. The staff had cleaned the house and everything was back in its place.
3
I walked a lap through the downstairs trying to find a task for my hands, before stopping