the pitcher of iced tea and cut lemons from the fridge. Once poured, I realized, as I raised the glass to my lips that it was caffeinated. Pouring it down the drain, I found a bottle of cold water and walked out the door for some solace in the chapel.
The inside was plain again. All the ridiculous candelabras and white roses were gone. The stain glass radiated beautiful colors as the sun shone through them. I sat in the same first pew and put my water at my feet. My hands found my belly and I rubbed it, remembering the last time life grew within me. I should have been happy, but I was stuck. I wanted to rejoice that God blessed me again, but all I could say, with tears running down my tired face was, “Just give me my Connor back.”
Gabe’s truck was parked in front of the house when I returned. I had to mask my emotions; which weren’t hard to do, considering that I couldn’t possibly identify what any of them were yet. They were hanging out in the family room, off the kitchen, watching cartoons with Mattie. Kate was relieved to see me.
“Where have you been? What did the doctor say?”
“-At the chapel. -Virus. I’ll be fine.”
“Medicine?”
“No medicine. It’s not bacterial. You just have to suffer with viruses.” I put my arms out like Jesus on the cross and Kate threw a pillow at me.
“You’re so dramatic.”
“There will be suffering. There will be a lot more throwing up, I can assure you.”
“How long?”
“A few more weeks at least- until my stomach warms up to the notion of food again.”
“Tommy called. He was freaking out about some message you left him saying something was the matter. Why did you do that? You know he’s a ninny.”
“-Weak moment. I just really needed someone to talk to.”
“Hello. I’m here.”
“I know. It’s nothing. Really. It’s spiritual junk- more Tommy’s thing.”
“Sure?”
I nodded my head and opened my eyes wide so she’d know I was annoyed with the interrogation. I sat down next to Mattie and squeezed him tightly. The therapist working with him on sensory integration told us to increase the intensity with which we hugged him.
“Hi Little Man. How are you? How was the horse riding?” I wanted to get Kate out of the house so I had time to digest my news. “Why don’t you and Gabe get lost for a couple of hours and leave us be?”
“Yeah?” Gabe hadn’t had adult time with Kate in a few days, since her recovery.
“Who needs yah? Hit the road. Mattie and I have plans.”
They looked at each other and smiled. Kate excused herself to freshen up which left me to fend off Gabe’s inquiry.
“What’s the matter Julia? You’re acting weird.”
“I’m always weird.” My eyes didn’t break from viewing the television.
“-Can’t argue with that, but you’re a little weirder than usual.”
I looked at him with the cat that ate the canary type of grin.
“Alright copper…you’ve got me…I’m hiding something.”
“I knew it. That’s why I’m the cop.”
I leaned toward him and hushed my voice as if I was about to divulge a bit of juicy news.
“Do you want to know what it is?” I whispered.
He nodded, leaning in.
“Kate’s in love with you.”
He shook his head and rolled his eyes as Kate walked back into the room.
“Am I interrupting something?”
“No. Gabe was just telling me that he loves…”
“Let’s go Kate.”
He gave me an irritated look, kissed Mattie, and they abruptly left. Me, and Mattie, and baby Henry were alone at last. Mattie and I lined up a bucket of cars and then tore into the band in a box I had bought him at the toy store. I wasn’t sure if the noise would upset him, but he genuinely seemed to like the wooden instrument with the mallet. He had rhythm. I danced around the room to his beat and he took to following me after awhile. We were the soul train. Later, I put on some blues and we relaxed on the couch. My fatigue was kicking in and we fell asleep together.
Gabe woke me when he moved my arm out from around Mattie. He whispered that he was taking him home and thanked me. Kate entered as he left, with a bowl of homemade chicken soup, left by Momma Martin. She was on her way home to Tybee Island and sent me well wishes for a speedy recovery. -If she only knew. I had eight long months to go. Kate picked