jaw. “I was devastated, but at least I had my horse.”
I have a feeling I know where this story is going, but I keep my mouth shut and let her finish.
Her eyes brighten, like she’s on the verge of tears, but she doesn’t let them fall. “My dad sold her and pocketed the money. When I cried, my mom told me he didn’t have a choice because we didn’t have the money to pay for the care of a horse.” She huffs out a breath. “She was right. We didn’t. I couldn’t have kept the horse even if my dad wasn’t an asshole. But it killed me that she didn’t stand up for me, that she didn’t even try, you know?”
I nod. “I know.”
“From that day forward, I weaved myself a fantasy that one day the barn would be filled with my horses. That I would breed them and love them and be in control of my destiny.” She looks up at the night sky, and I follow her gaze to the stars above. “Then she got sick, and everything got desperate and dire, and she died. Wyatt came up with the distillery as a way to keep the land, and I didn’t say anything about my dreams for the barn. In the end, I wasn’t any different than her. I didn’t fight for what I wanted, for my dreams, any more than she did. I went along with Wyatt because it was practical. But every time I catch sight of that barn, I think about that dream and how I never even tried.” Her tears fall now, streaking down her cheeks and into the hollow of her throat.
I lean down and sip them away, and she continues. “When she died, I swore I’d never be like her. That I’d be different. Even though I loved her, I didn’t want her life. But that’s exactly what I got, you know? All I do is support Wyatt and Jackson and what they want.” She bites her lip. “I don’t even think they need me.”
It kills me that she’s been bottling this away for years without a word. I run a path down her jaw. “Wyatt and Jackson would disagree.”
“In theory, yeah.” She looks at me, gaze watery. “But what purpose do I really have?”
“You have a lot of purpose, Catarina.”
“I’m not making myself clear. I’m not sure I even understand it.”
“Just try to get the words out, and we’ll take it from there.”
Her teeth scrape over her lower lip. “I do all the things they don’t want to do. I free them up so they can focus on their own personal brands of genius. I do all the shit work so they can be free to fulfill their destinies.” She shakes her head. “That’s not purpose. That’s existing for them and not for myself.”
“So what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know, exactly.” She sighs, and it sounds like it comes from the very bottom of her soul. “I think I’m trying to say that maybe we’ve made mistakes, but that doesn’t mean we have to continue to make them. We control our actions and life. We have a choice.”
She meets my eyes, and in the depths, I see something I’ve never seen before: a steely determination, an inner fire. “I’m going to choose something different.”
“What are you going to choose?”
“Me.” She wraps her hand around my neck. “And you—if that’s what you want.”
“I do.” I kiss her, blotting out the world and all the unanswered questions.
I let myself sink into this woman who may just be my salvation.
Cat
I let the weekend play out, basking in the sex and the food and the party atmosphere that pervaded the house, but as soon as the Chicago crowd took their leave, I started planning. Plotting.
I’m not 100-percent sure what I want to do, because my horse-breeding fantasies are just that: fantasy. I haven’t been around horses for years. I’m not engrained in that community, nor do I have the expertise. The day my daddy sold the horse I loved so dearly, I gave up on that world, and I’m not sure I can get it back.
Horses were the dream of a girl. And now it’s time to figure out the dream of the woman I’ve become.
I don’t know much, but I do know I need time and space to figure out what the hell I want to do with my life. Maybe it will be in the business my family created, and maybe