I mean, I know why. I want to show Cat I’m trying. But Meredith is not the point. How I feel about Cat is the point.
How much I miss her is the point.
How much I love her.
How much I need her.
If only I’d thought to say those things first, maybe I’d have stood a chance.
But instead I had to go fuck it up again.
Someone claps me on the back, and I turn to see Wyatt next to me. He gives me a cocky grin. “How’s it going?”
“Pretty much shit.”
“Seems that way.” Wyatt has an abrupt, shorthand way of talking that cuts to the chase and the bone. “You need to give her some time.”
“That’s the worst thing I could do. She’s expecting me to back away.”
He nods. “Maybe, but I know my sister. She’s got strong defense mechanisms in place to protect herself from hurt. Sometimes you’ve got to go around them to get anywhere.”
I frown, not liking his logic, but understanding it. “And you think time will do that?”
“Don’t know.” He shrugs. “What you’re doing is just making her dig in her heels.”
“Yeah.” The problem is I can’t see through my own panic, my own desperation to win her back—that impending sense of doom that if I don’t act quickly, she’ll slip beyond my reach.
“Maybe it’s time to try something different,” Wyatt says, clapping me on the back again. “Got to run.”
“Thanks.” The word is absentminded as I ruminate.
He takes his leave, and I walk slowly to my office. I pass Cat’s doorway and she’s at her desk, her head bent.
She had shadows under her eyes and the lines at her mouth looked a little drawn, but other than that she looks so beautiful today it makes my heart ache. Since she’s meeting with people, she has on a dress—another floaty, creamy number that brings out the highlights in her hair. It’s down today, falling over her shoulders as she ponders the task in front of her.
Was it only last week that I could have walked in, put my hands on her shoulders, and massaged her tensions away?
Was it only last week that she would have looked at me with that brilliant, beaming smile?
That she would have reached for me?
“Was I not clear?” She doesn’t look up.
I think about what Wyatt said, about her digging in her heels. And how chasing her down and trying to force her to talk to me isn’t working right now—although I don’t know how to bridge the distance between us without communication.
But maybe I should give her what she’s telling me she wants instead of pushing. Maybe I should trust what she says instead of assuming I know better.
Isn’t it arrogance that always gets me in trouble in the first place?
Whatever she says now, I’m going to stick with, at least until she stops digging.
“Can you look at me?” I ask, my voice soft.
She raises her head but says nothing.
I search her expression, her silver eyes, and ask the question. “Is that really what you want? For me to leave you alone?”
Her lips tighten, firm into a hard line. “Yes. That’s what I want.”
I’d hoped for a different answer, but she’s spoken, made herself clear, and I’m going to listen.
I nod. “Okay, I’ll leave you alone.”
At some point I’m going to ask again.
And again.
In hopes of a different answer.
Cat
As the opening of the restaurant is barreling down on us, I’ve been too crazy to do anything but frantically dart from task to task. Since Caden said he’d leave me alone, he’s done exactly that.
He’s stopped pursuing me.
Stopped trying to talk.
Stopped trying to explain.
He’s kept a professional distance and only spoken to me about work-related matters.
It’s what I wanted and asked for, except it’s still making things harder, not easier.
With every hour that passes, I miss him more.
Until he backed away, and I stopped having to expend all my energy resisting him, I hadn’t realized how much I’ve grown to depend on him. Somehow, in the short time he’s worked for us, he’s become my person.
And goddamn it, I miss my person!
So this afternoon, as we sat in yet another meeting to go over everything for the private event, I was overcome with a sudden need to come here. I have no idea why, but it became an insistent demand, and eventually I gave in.
Here I am—unsure, but determined to see it through.
The sun beats down on my car, and even with the air conditioning, beads of sweat form along my temples. I’m under