head. "If it's all the same to you, I think…I want to be alone for a little bit. I need to process. I'll be fine, I just need to work through a few things."
"Sure. Right. I'll go hang out in my room. Maybe take a nap…maybe rearrange the furniture. Dunno. I'll figure something out." I give her a brash smile. "I can amuse myself. Don't you worry." With what, I don't know, but if Jade needs time to sort through her feelings, I'll give her as much as she needs.
Jade smiles sweetly at me, moving forward to touch my chest. "Thank you, Adiron."
33
JADE
I can't sleep.
I'm tired—exhausted, really—but as time crawls past, my brain won't turn off. I keep thinking about Ruth, and if she's all right or in danger. I think about Alice, her eyes filled with tears as she left in the pod with Kaspar. I think about Helen, who's even now probably trying to get a reluctant Mathiras to kiss her, just so she can experience it. I should probably be the most worried about Helen, because she's innocent, but strangely, I'm not. She'll have so many new experiences she won't have time to be sad or worried. This is all a new adventure to her; it's the others that I stress over.
And I think about the people in the stasis pods, of course. What if no one comes back for us? What if we drift into that ice field? What if it's a mistake to leave them sleeping? Would I want to drift into death in my sleep or would I want to be awake to try to do something about it? I can't wake them up of course—there's not enough food for so many people—but I can still have guilt about it.
In the end, I toss and turn, and when I can't stand it any longer, I get up. I shrug on my robe—some larger creature's modified tunic—and tuck it around me before I go to pace the empty halls of the ship. I head toward the kitchen, past the rec room, and wander toward the bridge. It all feels so empty now. Even before, when it was just the four of us on here, it didn't have that abandoned feeling like it does now. Like I'm the only one left on this end of the universe, all by choice.
Depressing. I know I've done the right thing, but it's still hard.
The bridge is empty, of course, the large windows full of nothing but open space. There's a distant, colorful nebula in one corner, and I know that even though it looks large in the view, it's probably bajillions of miles away from here. No sign of an ice field, though, which makes me wonder if that really was all a lie. It's conveniently “behind” the ship, which means we can't see it, but they swear it's there. I curl my bare toes on the metal floors, wondering if they seem cooler than usual or if it's just my imagination. I stare out the window, sigh, and then turn to leave.
As I do, I see a pair of legs sticking out from under one of the stations. Legs, and a blue tail that twitches ever so slightly.
"Um, Adiron?"
I can hear him sigh from under the desk. "I was hoping you wouldn't notice I was here."
I pad over to him, curious. "It's late. What are you doing? Shouldn't you be asleep?"
He slides out from under the station, his uniform rumpled, the collar open and loose. He gives me a boyish grin. "Shouldn't YOU be asleep?"
"I asked first." I nod at the station, because I can see a bunch of wires hanging down. "And I want to know what you're doing. Don't change the subject."
"I couldn't sleep." Adiron sits up, shrugging. "I was worried about you. You seemed real sad that the others are gone and I wanted to fix that."
I move to the chair the next station over. It's mounted to the floor, just like each station's “desk” and covered with a million controls I know nothing about. Everything's covered in a fine layer of dust because we don't know how to use most of the switches. I cross my legs, and as Adiron's gaze goes there, I can't help but feel a little…vulnerable. I'm wearing a knee-length tunic, but no panties and no bra. I wasn't exactly expecting to see anyone tonight, and seeing Adiron's focus makes me feel…strange. Uncrossing my legs would be awfully obvious, so