decide to stay behind, just because Helen's ready to start living her life.
And I can't blame her for that.
Since Ruth is pacing, I'll let her be the source of all nervous energy in the ship and I do my best to stay calm and collected. Or I try to, anyhow. I'm chewing my lip a mile a minute and doing my best not to look over at Adiron.
After my disconcerting conversation with him in my room, I steered us back towards the others. Truth be told, I don't know what to think about what he keeps declaring. That he likes me. That he's in love with me. We just met this morning. But there's something about Adiron that makes me think that he falls in love as completely and enthusiastically as he seems to view everything…and he's sincere. And good lord, I just don't know what to think. We've been betrayed and used at every turn for the last few years, and so it's hard for me to believe in “good guys” anymore.
But if I did, I think Adiron would be one. I step closer to the table and pretend to examine one of the pieces of fruit, but I'm really watching Adiron. Adiron, who knew we needed to talk in private and set himself up in the rec room as far as possible from us. Right now he's got a wall panel disassembled, pieces of metal everywhere, as he tries to bypass the system and hardwire the vid screen so we can watch something. He's whistling, lost in his own little world, but I know, I just know, that he's doing all that deliberately so we won't feel like he's listening in.
And I know it's all for my benefit. He wants me to trust him.
I'm both grateful and confused by his actions. It's been so long since I've trusted a man. I've felt utterly responsible for everything and everyone here, because I'm the oldest and the most experienced. They look to me to solve problems. Adiron has made it clear that whatever I choose, he's going to support it and me.
I'm trying not to like that idea too much, in case it doesn't turn out to be reality.
I pick up a small piece of fruit, shine it on the oversized tunic I'm still wearing, and consider. Ruth wants to outsmart. To get the upper hand. "So you don't think we should trust them?" I ask Ruth. "You don't like the idea of going back to their ship?"
She looks at me as if I've grown another head. "You really want to be part of their crew?"
"I don't know if we have a choice," I admit. "There's a fine line between being cautious and being so hardheaded that we get ourselves killed."
Ruth just shakes her head. "I think we figure out how to rob them, replenish our supplies, and send them on their way." She speaks in a low voice, glancing over at Adiron, but he's oblivious. "I don't trust them. How can we believe that the first four rounds of pirates were awful creatures but somehow these guys are all right? That they just happened to find us and want to rescue us because they like humans but don't want to fuck us? It sounds like bunk to me."
At the table, Alice takes a bite of fruit, then shrugs. "What about the ice field thing? Do you believe that?"
"They could be lying to us about drifting," Ruth says. "Trying to force us to go with them."
Alice thinks for a moment, then nods. "They might be."
"What are our choices?" I ask. "Even if they are lying, are we any less vulnerable with them than we are here? We're low on air filters. We're low on food. We can't operate a good deal of the ship's controls. If we stay, I worry that we're making a bad decision." I sigh, considering. "Then again, if we go, I'm worried about the same."
Helen is quiet. She sits up and wears a sad expression on her face. "I wish we knew if they were lying. That would make this all so much easier."
"That's the problem," Alice says. "We don't know if they're lying or not. Everything they've told us sounds believable…but they've also been so kind and quick to volunteer to help us that it makes me suspicious."
Ruth gets an intense expression on her face. She slides into her seat and leans in. "I can sneak on board their ship when everyone's sleeping," she whispers.