entirely true anymore. Since Orion had explained himself, I kept running over his words in my mind. They were too sincere, too fucking sweet.
“You mean when he sacrificed himself for you so you might have a chance to take down Lionel? So that you wouldn’t lose everything including your place at the one academy capable of training up a Fae of your power level and giving you a real chance for the throne? By the stars, what an asshole,” he growled mockingly and I pursed my lips. “No, you’re right, Darcy. I won’t stand for it. How dare he throw himself into the most dangerous place in Solaria and face months of hell in Darkmore because of how much he loves you? How fucking dare he.”
“Stop it,” I snipped, but he just kept going.
“How dare he ruin himself as far as any Fae can possibly ruin themselves for you.”
“I didn’t ask him to,” I said heatedly. “I never wanted him to.”
“I know,” he said, his smile falling away as he took my hand and squeezed. “And you have a right to be mad at him for that. But not forever, babe.”
A lump burned my throat as emotion welled up in me. I dropped his gaze, unable to face the blazing truth in his eyes. “It’s all so messed up.”
“But it’s not unfixable,” he urged. “Look, I love hanging out with you, Darcy. Staying here with you feeds my inner Wolfiness, but I’m only here because I can feel your pain. Not in the way Max can, but…” He reached out, brushing his knuckles across my collar bone with a dark frown. “It’s instinct, I guess. I just know you’re hurting. And that hasn’t changed since he left. Even since Tory came back, I know you’re happier but it’s not enough. And if I’m honest, I don’t think it’s going to change unless you two fix this.”
“I don’t know if it can be repaired, Seth,” I said, the pain in me splitting open like a sealed box cracking in my chest.
He cupped my cheek, giving me an intent look. “If you both want it enough, it can be.”
I ripped my gaze from his, not wanting to face what he was asking of me. But I knew I needed to. I just wasn’t sure I could ever let go of this hurt Orion had left in me. I couldn’t see a reality in which I could trust him again, and if I couldn’t trust him, then there was no hope for us.
***
I sat in my last class of the day, scowling at Highspell as she handed out fat chocolate brownies to the ‘higher’ Orders at the front of the room, spending particular time chatting with the boys and casually running her fingers through their hair. Her skirt was almost short enough to see her snake hole and she made a point of bending over in front of any guy she took a liking too.
I felt sorry for Tory having to sit up there and pretend she was a slave to the shadows. She was probably working to restraining herself from tit punching Highspell right about now. As amazing as it was to know she was mostly free of Lionel’s control, it sucked that I couldn’t spend more time with her. We had to always be careful in case anyone suspected anything. And as much as I missed her, I wasn’t going to risk Lionel finding out she was no longer a walking zombie.
There was one thing keeping my spirits high today though, it was another full moon at last. And Orion would be able to read more of his father’s diary. Maybe my mother had seen more of what we needed to do to face Lionel.
I tried to cast a levitation spell on the three kilo weight sitting on my desk and it raised up a few inches before I let it tumble back onto my desk again. Highspell didn’t let us have anything above five kilos for this, while the front of the class were already lifting up to fifty. She’d vaguely given an explanation to the whole class of how to cast the spell then spent the rest of the time moving between the ‘higher’ Orders and showing them how to do it in more detail. And everyone back here was unsurprisingly failing this subject hard.
My Atlas buzzed and I took it out. Highspell rarely paid any attention to any of us in the back rows, so I didn’t bother