into the bathroom, collecting a nightdress from the closet on my way and changing quickly before drawing strength from the shadows and heading back to the bedroom where Lionel had already flicked out the lights.
"Come, Roxanya," he growled irritably. "The bond won't let me settle without you close tonight."
I knew all too well how that felt and I climbed into the bed with a mixture of relief and internal disgust at my situation before shuffling up against his body and relaxing a little as the bond was finally satisfied by the contact.
Lionel leaned over me and took a syringe from the nightstand before taking hold of my arm and moving the needle towards it. I forced myself to stay calm, banishing the shadows completely as I prepared for what I’d known was coming as he drove the needle beneath my skin and dosed me with Order Suppressant once more. My Phoenix was pushed down deep inside of me and I felt so hollow without it that it stole my breath away and I had to fight not to react at all.
Mildred had already been the one to dose me midweek and now that I had full access to my memories, I’d figured out that this was the routine. Twice a week. Tuesdays and Fridays. After Mildred had first done it, I’d almost panicked, but Gabriel had shown up out of nowhere and quickly given me the antidote. He’d sworn to me that he’d be watching to see every time they planned on dosing me again and no matter what, someone would be ready to dose me with antidote as soon as possible afterwards. In the meantime, all I had to do was be careful to stay clear of the shadows and I should be fine.
Though as Lionel tugged me down to lay beside him and Clara shuffled close on his other side, I had to admit that my missing Phoenix was causing me more than a little concern. But I just had to wait until I saw Darcy once the two of them fell asleep and I knew I’d get it back again. So, for now, I just needed to play along.
I lay with my head on the left side of his chest while Clara positioned hers on his right and he wrapped his arms around both of us, pulling us in tightly against him. My palm was flat on his chest right above his heart and as I lay there, I couldn't help but think how I could fix all of our problems with a single blast of magic.
But the more I tried to convince myself to do it, the more bile rose in my throat and I shuddered with horror at the idea of a world without Lionel Acrux in it until I was practically choking over it.
I was broken. I knew it. This bond he’d placed on me had done something so twisted that my own thoughts and feelings weren’t entirely my own anymore. But I was also a slave to this connection one way or another. And if I wanted to maintain enough of myself to stand a chance of ever escaping him, then I knew I had to accept this side of it for now. I’d lay here in a bed with my enemy and dream of the day that this nightmare would end. But until then, I was going to have to seek solace in his arms again and again and again.
As he and Clara quickly fell asleep, I just lay there, waiting until I could be certain that I could leave without them noticing and trying not to overthink how good it felt to be in his arms and how much I'd been needing this.
I walked along the dark tunnels beneath the palace grounds with a Faelight hovering ahead of me to illuminate the way. I was dressed in a fitted black leggings and sweater combo to help keep me hidden for when I started sneaking around later. I was still working on perfecting illusions and as Highspell was about as useful a Cardinal Magic teacher as a rotten turd, I was struggling. There was only so much I could learn from books and what I really needed was a good teacher. The Heirs were swamped with their own work and they were already giving me extra combat lessons. I couldn’t take up more of their time.
Lucky you’re going to see your old professor then.
The thought came out of nowhere and I immediately