the panic rising. He thinks I’m like his ex-girlfriend. He thinks I’ve been cheating, that I’ve been unfaithful with another woman’s husband. ‘Please, I can explain,’ I say desperately. Tears have begun prickling my eyelashes. I reach out to him. ‘Trust me.’
But he brushes away. ‘Like I trusted you before?’ he says, his face splintered into anger and contempt.
‘Adam, please,’ I beg, but he just looks at me and it’s the coldest, hardest look. Turning, he walks towards the door.
‘Don’t go,’ I call out after him, but even as I’m saying the words, I know it’s useless. He’s already gone.
For a moment I stand motionless in the kitchen, staring at the empty doorway. Then slowly I become aware of Nate’s presence. I raise my eyes to meet his, but if I’m expecting to see some kind of satisfaction, I’m wrong.
‘I’m sorry. I was upset about Beth.’ He looks at me with dismay. ‘I didn’t mean . . .’
‘I know.’ I shake my head wearily. My lovely evening with Adam is lying in tatters and yet there’s no point blaming anyone. Nate’s suffering too. He’s probably lost Beth again now, just like I’ve lost Adam.
A sob rises in my throat. It’s all such a mess.
Nate and I don’t say any more; there’s nothing left for either of us to say. He leaves, and closing the door behind him, I lean against it and sink to the floor.
And only then do I cry.
I cry my bloodt>
Chapter Thirty-One
‘I’ve called a dozen times and left messages, but he won’t return my calls.’
The next day I’m sitting in a café on the Upper West Side, having lunch with my sister. Over Eggs Florentine I’ve been telling her all about what happened, about Martha’s Vineyard, about last night, about everything.
‘I’ve tried emailing, texting, you name it, but nothing. I just don’t know what else to do.’ I heave a deep sigh and slump down into my seat. ‘I can’t believe Nate. He completely sabotaged everything with Adam. To think I did all those things on the Strategy.’ I give a little shudder. ‘It’s like nothing works.’
I stare dolefully into the dregs of my latte. Last night, after Nate left, I went to bed but couldn’t sleep. I spent the whole night tossing and turning, and woke up this morning still feeling horrible. ‘But I’m not blaming Nate. I mean, it can’t be nice for him either. Apparently he’s trying to get back with his wife and give it another try, and now that’s ruined too.’ I heave an even deeper sigh and sink down further into my chair. ‘It’s all such a mess. We’re doomed to be together for ever.’
‘Lucky you.’
‘Excuse me?’ I glance up from my coffee cup to look at my sister. She’s barely said a word since we met and has hardly touched her salad Niçoise. Instead she’s spent the whole time staring off into space, as if her mind’s on other things. Most likely mergers and acquisitions or her marathon training.
‘Some people would love to be together for ever. I wish Jeff and I could be so lucky.’
‘Aren’t you the same person who called marriage a life sentence?’ I remark. ‘And you get your sentence shortened for good behaviour?’ I look at Kate, expecting her to laugh, but her face remains passive.
‘Jeff has cancer.’
Boom. Just like that.
I look at her in disbelief. ‘What?’
‘Testicular. The doctor’s finally figured out why he’s been losing weight and feeling so unwell. He’s got to have a chest X-ray and blood work to see if it’s spread.’ She says all this very matter-of-factly, in the same tone of voice she used to discuss what to have for lunch. ‘He’ll have his ball chopped off, of course, though that’s OK – you can manage perfectly fine with just one.’
I’m staring at Kate and listening to her calmly talking, but I can’t compute what I’m hearing. ‘Oh my God>
‘I know, neither did I. I thought all he needed was antibiotics.’ She falters momentarily – a blink of an eye and you’d have missed it – then, regaining her composure, quickly carries on. ‘The good news is that there’s a strong chance we’ve caught it early enough and the cancer hasn’t spread, and by getting rid of the tumour, you get rid of it all. We don’t know for sure yet, but they’re running tests, so we’ll know soon enough.’ Affording a tight smile, she takes a sip of water. ‘According to the oncologist, it’s the best cancer to have.