a need to look out for him for Saint’s sake. It wasn’t though. And I called bullshit right away.
And then I was left with why him?
I’d never, fucking never, been into a guy before.
What made him catch my attention?
Frustrated, I scrubbed a hand over my face and kicked out at my bed. The mattress tipped up and then back down.
I’d fucked things up. Massively.
But it was probably for the best. I couldn’t be interested in a guy. Women were my thing. I loved fucking them.
Then why had I sought Lucas out after I’d noticed what had been in my internet history? I’d forgotten to delete it—a stupid move on my part, especially after Lucas had had it. Hell, if I’d been in the same boat, I would have done the same and looked through his phone. He would have seen it, so I’d just had to question him about it. I’d planned to play it off as one of the brothers fucking with me and putting that on there, but as soon as I saw him and he started his hemming and hawing, acting like he didn’t see shit, I couldn’t.
Fucking foolish move admitting to Lucas how he drove me insane.
Christ, I didn’t even know if I was someone he’d go for, but it’d been too late. I’d had him in my arms, my brain telling me to feel things out, see if it was just a damn phase or some shit. But when I had him there, in my arms, with my lips on his, and I felt him start to pull back, I didn’t want to let go. I took his mouth, and he seemed to like it. He grabbed on instead of shoving me off.
That fucking kiss.
That goddamn kiss.
It’d be seared into my head for the rest of my life.
I thought it’d be weird kissing a guy, but in the moment, it hadn’t been. Then I royally screwed things up when I freaked out, hearing Saint’s voice. I’d seen the flash of pain on Lucas’s features, and my gut had twisted. It still did each time the moment ran through my mind.
Then I went and royally screwed up more by sending that text in a moment of fear.
Fear because he was a guy.
Fear if anyone found out and the shit we’d get.
Fear over liking it.
Fear over wanting more and what that meant for me.
I wasn’t willing to change my life. I liked my damn life as it was. Lucas couldn’t just rock into it and have my head and body switching things up.
He couldn’t.
So it was good I’d sent the text. He’d get the picture. That was if he got the text. No, he did. I’d stolen his phone off his desk when I’d stood and managed to get his number in my phone before I hit the front door. He would have since seen it.
Then why did I wish he hadn’t?
It was a dick move.
I should have just left it alone and never seen him again. I knew it’d be hard, but he’d managed to dodge me after seeing what was on my phone. It brought me back to wondering why he’d dodged me? My lips tipped up. If I was to guess, it would be because he was scared he’d crack under pressure and admit everything.
It would have been good to see, but then I wouldn’t have felt his sweet, plump lips on mine.
Groaning, I dropped my head and rubbed at the back of my neck.
I had to forget him.
A knock sounded on my door. The compound was in full swing of a party happening in the common room, but I wasn’t in the mood.
Opening the door, I found Hailey on the other side. I knew after having her more than twice she would think we were something. We weren’t, and it was going to suck telling her that.
“Hey, baby,” she cooed, stepping close and rubbing her hands up my chest. “Miss you out there. You going to join the party, or do you wanna make your own in here?”
She would be a good distraction.
But who was I kidding? Even as I stared down at her big tits, my dick didn’t even take notice of the chance to get off. If anything, he was damn asleep. Unless I thought of Lucas.
Jesus Christ, my dick throbbed from only the thought of his name. If it could speak, I was sure it’d be saying, “Huh? Lucas is here? Where?”
I’d also be a bigger asshole than I was